Author: Midnight Demon

Fucking aggravated

I messaged the NP that ordered the holter monitor and she sent me a provider letter which basically said to me that everything is fine. I messaged back that how could everything be fine when I had these things and the palpitations were still ongoing. The nurse responds saying things is normal blah blah blah. I tell her I am still having the palpitations more frequently and now I am getting short of breath at short distances. Going around the block gets me winded and going up the stairs does too. I am waiting for a response.

I am in anxiety mode over this. Like what the fuck. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and if the pcp says this this normal, I am asking for an increase in Ativan because there is no way one pill a day is going to get me through this shit. I am so anxious right now I just took one because I needed to. I texted my DMH worker about this. I am glad I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I had forgotten then say the reminder on my phone.

I did some school work today. I sent the video for the group presentation. I hope it was sent ok. My phone had to “trim” it to send it via email so I am not sure all of it got sent. I haven’t done anything else. I don’t plan on doing anything else. I am wiped out. My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I made an appointment with a therapist/consultant for this week. I have appointments like nearly every day this week.  I saw my advisor today. She said I have a 3.66 avg in class. I am floored. I still am going to meet with the professor on Friday to find out why I did so poorly on my exam. I thought I did better.

I feel a headache coming on. Fucking christ. This is the fourth day in a row I have had a headache. I woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine. It was dream related. Thankfully it went away without any intervention. I wanted to cut my head off last night the headache was terrible. I couldn’t do anything or concentrate. It was pissing me off. If I get one tonight, I will message my neuro in the morning. I really don’t want to go back to the ED.

Saturday Blog 26102024

I got up around 1030. I was tired but I had to get up as my friend with breast cancer was having chemo and I wanted to see her. I had my two cups of coffee and the cake I bought yesterday. Then I went upstairs and packed what I needed. I figured I would do some schoolwork while I was there. I just made it to the bus stop. I was really huffing and puffing when I got there. I was rushing but not that hard. Luckily there was a seat available and I rested while I waited.

I went to the pharmacy to give them my MassHealth card. I figured I would give them the card and then pick up my meds. Nope. They changed things while I was there. I must have been there for a fucking half hour. And the meds I wanted MassHealth to take care of was rejected. I had to pay for. Fuck. I got to the hospital and my friend’s chemo ended. We talked for a bit. She ended up feeling tired. I didn’t keep her as I knew she had a long drive home. I told her to text me when she got home. I gave her a bear hug. I love her so much.

I thought about going to Starbucks to do schoolwork but I didn’t want another coffee. I went home. As I walked, I did get a bit winded. I am going to call my pcp on Monday. Something is wrong. I don’t know what as I am not a respiratory expert but something is off.

I had some leftover lo mein for dinner. I am wicked tired. My sister sent me pics of her Halloween costume and I cracked the fuck up. She is a pregnant nun and my brother in law is a priest. Too fucking funny. I don’t know how I am going to get these notes into my notebook. Maybe tomorrow. I have the beginning of a headache forming. I don’t know if it will turn into a migraine or not. I just know I need my pillow soon. My day is done. I hate that I have become an old man who turns in early.

Tired of migraines

I slept most of the day yesterday. I woke up during the night with a few migraines. I remember taking a naratriptan but I don’t remember the time. I have one pill left to last me till the 30^th. So now I have to go without meds for them. I was really tired today. I misread the notice about the orange line. I thought the shuttles were today and they were for the weekend. I took the cab for nothing. Oh well. Saved me the trouble of walking from North Station. I keep getting out of breath for some reason. I don’t know why and it is for short distances. I don’t know if I should see my pcp or not. The last time I saw her she just said I was deconditioned. But I am going my normal routes. I don’t know. I’m just chucking it off as being overweight.

Grades came in. I got an 86 average right now. My exam grade wasn’t so good. I got a 66. I don’t understand why. I thought I did pretty good on it. I will have to make an appointment with the professor and talk about it. I am pretty upset with myself about it. I have some work to do today that is due. There is a bunch of homework on sensory stuff due in a few weeks. I missed class this whole week so I have no clue what is going on.

I have a headache right now and I hope it doesn’t turn into a migraine. I am really miserable. I met with my DMH worker today. It went really good. I like that I can talk to her about anything and everything. She is just so cool. I told her I really need a therapist as I am struggling. Most days I feel like I am wearing a mask to hide myself. But dealing with chronic pain every day or every other day has been so difficult. It’s so draining. Today was the first time in a week I took a shower. I am growing out my hair as it has been too many days since I last shaved. It is going to be difficult because I like the feel of being bald.