Author: Midnight Demon

I woke up about a half hour ago because I had to pee. I let Pandora play and I really didn’t get into deep sleep. I couldn’t help it. They were playing 90s country and I miss hearing all these cool songs from artists that are no longer popular like they were.

I think I am going to have another session of therapy this week. My depression is bad. I hit rock bottom after our session. I don’t know why. I’m not troubled by the memories we worked on anymore. There is still other stuff I know I need to work on.

I want to go to Starbucks today and read Managing Suicidal Risk. Don’t know if I will as I haven’t slept yet. I need to shave as it has been a few days. My hair is growing back in and if I don’t shave today, I might as well let it grow in and then see my barber in a couple of weeks.

My youngest sister is going on vacation to the Dominican Republic. I need to watch my niece while they are away. Fun. My niece is 18.

I’m tired of being tired. I asked my psychiatrist if we can go up on my antidepressant. He said ok. Just hope it doesn’t fuck up my sleep. It can make me hyper. If it does, I might switch to morning so that at least I will have energy during the day.

Think I will color until Ativan kicks in. I need some sleep.

Had therapy today. We did EMDR and I got wicked tired afterwards. My brain is mush. I also feel a lot more depressed. I’ve been trying to do the dishes but I have no energy. I’m glad I had leftovers because cooking seems too big of a task. Hate when I get like this. I managed a shower today but didn’t shave. It was one or the other and I chose to shower as it had been more than a week since my last one. Just planning on resting tonight.

I’m exhausted trying to be stronger than I feel. This is so true. It’s so hard trying to act like you’re fine when you aren’t. Like Taylor says, I might be fine but I’m not ok.