Author: Midnight Demon

Rough day

I have been up since 5. I did three loads of laundry. The 3^rd load, I forgot to hit start so an hour later when I went downstairs, I thought the wash was done. It wasn’t. ugh. I had three cups of coffee. I was planning on making a fourth cup before therapy but time got away from me. I had woken up with my chest muscles hurting me so fricken bad. I took methocarbamol. I wanted to take at least three doses but I didn’t put the time in my app or even make note of the time. So I just had two doses. Might have a third dose if I am up. I just took my meds so I hope to be sleeping soon.

I honestly need a new therapist but I am too scared to find someone else. I don’t want to expose myself to rejection. Today she said that she basically washed her hands of telling me about coping skills because I have rejected what she said earlier in therapy. She also thinks my dreams and headaches are psychological. I don’t understand how they could be as I can’t control what I dream about. Most of the time, the dreams don’t make sense when I wake up. Like I dreamt I was on the Enterprise with the Picard crew. Another time, I had a conversation with my mother but I don’t remember what we talked about. I have noticed that if I am in the actual dream rather than “watching” what I am dreaming about, I get headaches more often than not. She also wants me to be a self-initiator. I felt like logging off when she said that. She got me so mad.

I am so tired. My pcp got back to me over some concerns I had with urination, stomach ache, and my blood pressure being high the last week or so. She ordered some urine and blood tests. I might go tomorrow after I go grocery shopping. I am going to bring a cath with me in case I can’t go. It has taken a lot of fluid in order to go, some times it is hours after I drink something. I have nearly drank a liter of water and I still don’t have the urge to pee. I also been feeling dizzy but when I take my blood pressure, it is high, not low. I miss drinking my powerades. Sometimes I just need the sugar rush. Drinking plain water sucks.

I’ve been up since 5am. I woke up in pain. I took some meds and wasn’t really tired to get back to sleep. I worked on my book and finished it. Now I just need to pay the editor so I can get it published. I’m glad I finished it before classes started otherwise I might not have had time to work on it.

I’ve had three cups of coffee today. I tried taking a nap but my stomach has been bothering me. Feels like someone is punching me in the stomach. I don’t know why I’ve been having so much pain lately. I thought it was the iron pills but I guess not. I’m scared to see my pcp about it. I just don’t want invasive tests to sort it out. I’m not nauseous or vomiting so I am not too concerned.

My sister made chili so I had that for supper. It was good. She is also making braised short ribs. The sauce is good.

I wanted to finish the book I’ve been reading but the new sleeping pill works in like a half hour so I haven’t been able to finish it. It’s a long chapter. I hope to finish it before bed tonight. Which reminds me, I haven’t done my med boxes yet. I should do that now so I don’t forget again.