Author: Midnight Demon

Drinking a lot of water today

The temps are high and it is muggy. I hate summer so much. It is only a few days into the season and I am melting today. I had two cups of hot coffee as I didn’t want to make it iced. I checked media until I finished my second cup and then retreated to my room to listen to the ballgame. My Sox are losing right now. I had to stop listening because the announcer was pissing me off. UGH

I sent an email reply to my advisor as I need to come up with a plan to get on track with my degree. I think I am in academic probation as I can’t get financial aid. I dropped a class as I think I am going to be taking just one class if I don’t get aid. I am meeting with her tomorrow. I told her my name has changed and added my pronouns to my signature on both my university email and personal. I wanted to do the appeal today but I need a plan from my advisor in order to complete it.

I woke up around 0400. I had to pee and I was awake. It was so hard trying to get back to sleep that I don’t think I did till after 1000. I should have just gotten up but I was so hot I didn’t want to. My right foot was hurting me so I took a pain med. Now, around twelve hours later, my left CRPS foot is flaring up. Just a bunch of nerve pain. Hate when it starts before 1800 as I usually am in pain the rest of the night. Thunderstorms just started so that is probably why. I hope it cools down some. I need to clear my AC so my brother in law can put it in the window. I have clutter the space while clearing another area of my room. I have no idea where to put the things that are blocking it. I wish I had another wardrobe to put my clothes in. I really need one but that requires decluttering more space.

I haven’t let my therapist know I am not going in the hospital tomorrow. I really don’t want to talk to her this week. I don’t know how successful I will be in not talking to her. I have an appointment with her Tues but I am not going to keep it. I just don’t feel like having therapy this week.

I am tired. I have been up for a few hours. I know I am bored. I should clear my bed so I can change the bedding. For the most part, I have kept up with putting my recycle in a bag rather than have it accumulate on my bed. I just have to clear the corner that likes to collect stuff and then my “office” space, which isn’t bad, considering. Just old mail has piled up rather than notebooks. I think most of it can be recycled. I don’t think I need to keep any of it.

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I am having my second cup of coffee in my room. I just had a burger my sister made last night with my first cup of coffee. I had some chips and salsa but the salsa didn’t taste as good as I thought it would be. It was mango by Newman’s Own. I like the pineapple one better. It is sweet and hot at the same time. So good.

I woke up at 3pm today. I didn’t mean to sleep so late but I was up till 3am so I was tired. I sent my psychiatrist a message around 1 or 2am saying I wasn’t going to go in the hospital. I finished the book Choosing to Live and I feel hopeful that I can handle things a little better. My therapist might be furious with me but I don’t care. I am not planning on seeing her this coming week. I just can’t. She can be so condescending. Sometimes I really don’t think she has a clue how hard depression and chronic illness can be. My psychiatrist just responded and hopes to see me sooner than Aug to discuss my sleep issues. I think it is just PTSD that wakes me up and keeps me up as I am still “hearing out” for my mother. I don’t know what else it could be.

I need to do my meds for the week. I am still taking the iron pills. When I am done with the prescription, I will stop taking them. The doc said I just need to take them for a month and then recheck my blood work. I haven’t been eating any iron rich foods. I barely have eaten anything other than burgers and cauliflower. The burger I had today will probably be the only thing that I eat. I hope I can keep up with my fluid intake because I have been sweating since getting up. It is so muggy today despite the temps being in the 70s.

I was reaching for my nail clippers and knocked my water bottle off my night stand. Fuck. Water got on some books. Luckily I had a towel in my room to wipe it up. UGH. I am thirsty. I don’t know why when I drink water, that is all I want to drink. I usually alternate between water and Gatorade. I am just sweating a lot and don’t want to get dehydrated as then I will really feel like shit. My chest has been sweating so bad since I got up. It is soaking wet. I’m probably going to have to shower tomorrow.

Sox are tied in Chicago playing the White Sox. I have to make sure I include Red in my tweets so that people know which Sox I am talking about. A couple of my former favorite players are on the team. I miss them. I am glad they are playing in the afternoon. I have only been up for a couple of hours and already I want to go to bed. I am so fricken tired all of a sudden. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep but I just want to lie down. Heat isn’t helping.