Author: Midnight Demon

Starbucks and therapy

I had another horrible night trying to sleep. I kept tossing and turning so around 0330, I got up to take another gabapentin as my damn foot was bothering me so much. I went back to sleep an hour later. I got up around 1030 for coffee and my half and half was gone. I was cursing. How was I gonna have coffee? There was some milk so I used that but I only drank about half a cup. I was feining for caffeine and was not in a good mood. I had therapy in an hour and was cranky.

I told my therapist she was a bitch, though I didn’t say that. I said she was a b with an itch. We talked about my trauma and she wants me to use DBT to help deal with the anxiety of it. I found something on the www.dbtselfhelp.com website. I will go through it later today. I am expecting a deliver of half and half and then my groceries are to come between 4 and 6. We also talked about whether she was right for me and I was just like I think this will work. She shook her head in disbelief. I have four years invested in her. I think if I really, really hated her or felt she wasn’t right for me, I would have left her before now. And besides, if I could have a medically serious overdose and she is still willing to work with me, that says something about our relationship. Though I am probably going to spend some time thinking about our relationship now. She asked why I wanted another session. I asked if there had to be a reason and she was like it is helpful. I’ve never had a therapist question a second session during the week like she does. It drives me up a wall. Like if I felt like I could wait till Monday, I would wait but obviously, I am troubled before then.

I need to clear the space for my brother in law so he can put in the AC. I am sick of my room being 90 degrees. I just showered and I am sweaty already. I haven’t done a damn thing and I am sweating. It is going to be worse when my groceries come as I will be up and down the stairs. It downpoured soon after we came home last night so I didn’t get to bring down my recycle. Now I have two bags. I also have a trashbag that will probably be filled today while I make space for my AC. I am going to put some clothes for goodwill in a bag.

I was in desperate need of caffeine after therapy so I ordered Starbucks and a sandwich. I love the sweet vanilla cream cold brew coffee so I ordered that instead of a latte. I know espresso affects me differently than straight coffee does. For some reason, espresso really keeps me focus and awake while caffeine can make me sluggish and sleepy. I’ve never gotten the shakes from coffee or espresso before. I think I am immune. I try not to have it too late or I know I won’t sleep until late. Coffee I am fine to drink late but espresso will keep me up.

Last night an Elle King and Miranda Lambert song called drunk and don’t want to go home song came on while we were in the restaurant and I started dancing because the song was so moving. I was singing too as I drank my Jack and coke. I also got Taylor’s version songs that I didn’t have. There are three I am missing but I don’t know what they are without a Google search. I also pre-ordered Speak Now (Taylor’s Version). It is 2 cds. I cannot wait. I am listening to Fearless TV. I still think That’s When should have been released on country radio as Keith Urban duets with Taylor. It is such a cute song.

My foot is hurting. Not bad but enough to make me complain about it. I better start clearing shit now before the pain gets unbearable. Till tomorrow readers…