What could you do more of?
I could do more writing, like creatively. Could also look for more resources to go to college, though I am tempted to start a go fund me. I see people on apps do it all the time for living expenses and I think, why can’t I do that. Living on a fixed income sucks.
Therapy and other stuff
I had therapy today. I managed to drink two cups of coffee before session. I was determined not to do EMDR today because I had wicked bad dreams last night and I didn’t want to get more dysregulated than I already was. When I brought up the dreams, my therapist didn’t even ask about them. I told her they were disturbing and then she was kind of gung-ho about doing an EMDR session. I was like no, not happening. She said I am avoiding again. She really pissed me off but I didn’t tell her that. She never meets me where I am at. At the end of the session, she told me to do one DBT skill for the week. I told her I would try. Now I got to find a skill that I can do.
I realized during session that a bunch of anniversaries are coming up in the next month, particularly in the next two weeks. One is my top surgery. I will be 6 months post op. Then I will have the anniversary of going on T, followed by the anniversary of my mother’s death. I also have my official name change later this month. I am going to do something. I just don’t know what yet.
I have to go grocery shopping for a few items. I need to get a pie for tomorrow as I am going to see my cousin that lives south of Boston. I don’t remember the last time I saw her. It has been a while. It should be a good day. I just hope the traffic isn’t horrible.
I loaded my Starbucks card so now I have funds for coffee. I plan on going there at least a few times a week so I can read Managing Suicide Risk, 3rd Edition. I want to spend the month reading it. I think it should take me at least two weeks to read it. I also plan on writing a review on it so people can read it. I didn’t get a huge response with my Critical Suicidology review.
Stupid Elon changed Twitter to X without an update on my phone and I am so fucking pissed. Now I am getting X notifications from the people I follow who I don’t ordinarily get them from. Like What the FUCK. I don’t care if Mary retweeted John or quoted him in doing so. I think I am going to take the app off my phone and just look at it when I am on my laptop. I have been on BlueSky. I sort of like it. A lot less hate than X. I hate that Twitter isn’t Twitter anymore. It is just a hate filled cesspool.
I got to shave and do something about my mustache. I need to trim it and I think I am going to try and trim it to one that is above 1/8. Maybe ¾. I don’t know. I just hope I don’t fuck it up so bad I need to shave it off cuz that will suck. I also got to do something about my chin hair. It is ragged and uneven. I can’t trim it too close because then it feels weird and the hairs pinch me when I lick my lips. I will try and see if I can do them the same length as my mustache. Then I will go to the store. I don’t know when I am going to pick up my meds. Maybe tomorrow if I come back early enough from my cousins outing. Otherwise, it will have to wait until Wednesday.
What things give you energy?
Hahaha If I knew, I’d do them more often
Saturday Blog 23092023
Today I woke up in a mood. I didn’t want to do anything. I decided I was just going to shower and drink coffee. I have done both those things. I had three cups of coffee. I felt ok showering though my back cramped up like it usually does.
I listened to Coldplay for most of the time I have been up, which has only been a couple of hours. I ate. My bro in law made a burger and it was good. He also made potato salad which was good. I also had a turkey sandwich. I just took my Latuda because I figured I might as well. I just did my med boxes for the week. I have to order my OTC stuff and vitamins. I wish my allergy med wasn’t so expensive. I wanted to get a baseball book but now it doesn’t seem wise. I will get it eventually. And the baseball isn’t boring Tshirt. Baseball season will be over next weekend. Then the playoffs will start. I am sort of interested.
I am tired despite me having three cups of coffee. I didn’t really sleep well during the night. I kept waking up from weird dreams. Luckily no headaches. I am not sure what I am going to do this evening. Ballgame was this afternoon. They are still playing as it is 0-0 right now. I might read for a couple of hours. I don’t know. I tried reading last night but it didn’t happen. I just couldn’t focus.
I thought about writing something more for my book but I don’t really know how to put it. I thought about writing about the time a NP made me uncomfortable when I saw her for a foot problem not a transgender issue. I didn’t get any support from my pcp at the time. I have since left that practice due to other reasons. But healthcare professionals really don’t know much about trans health care or even gender affirming care. It is sad.
The temp is cool today though it is rainy, again. Next week I hope to go to my cousin’s house that is south of Boston. Hope the weather that day is nice. I haven’t looked at the weather report because it can change between now and then. It’s kind of cold in my room. I just put on PJ pants. I still have my fan going to give me some air. It’s not that cold yet for me to turn it off.
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