Category: depression

Tired of this heat

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I couldn’t get comfortable. I think I finally dozed for a bit after 7am. I took my meds and tried to go to sleep but I was keeping my ear open for a phone call to the new therapy place. They called around 11 and after three tries, I finally have an appt in a few weeks. My psychiatrist office called too. I will call them tomorrow.

I took care of the puppy today. She pooped and peed in the house after her daddy left or maybe as her daddy was here. I don’t know. I am getting pissed that he doesn’t let her out to do her business nor clean up after her when she does it on the kitchen floor. Like WTF, this is your dog. It was too hot to let her outside to sunbathe like she likes to do. I had my coffee while she sat by the door, or rather plumped herself down on the floor. I got a cute picture of her all twisted up with her laying on her back. Silly girl.

I had ice cream and rice for lunch. I ate the leftover steak tips at 3 this morning as I was hungry. I also had a ham roll up. Someone left the microwave a mess. I had to clean it when I heated up the rice. There was a bunch of food in the trash so I don’t know who did it. They were ramen noodles and I hope they weren’t mine.

It was hot today but not muggy. I sat outside with the dog for a bit. I didn’t stay too long as I didn’t want to get sick like I did yesterday. I tried to stay in my room as long as possible. I took a little nap, which helped. There were noises coming from downstairs but I couldn’t tell if they were outside or inside. I heard one big drop and got up to check on the puppy. She was just laying in bed doing nothing so it must have been outside. I have no idea what the fuck they were doing. The streets are still a disaster from the gas meter work they are doing.

I just looked at the therapy website to see if they had a picture of my therapist. They do and she seems like a good fit. Only problem is there is no way I can see her in person because she is way far west of me. She is even further than my former therapist that I had for sixteen years. I hope it works out and that when I say I have suicidal ideation, they don’t run. I met my psychiatrist yesterday and asked for refills but it doesn’t seem like it went through yet. It is mail order so sometimes it takes a day or two to go through. If it isn’t in by tomorrow, I will request it again. My pcp said she will be working on the weight loss drug by the end of the week. Hopefully it gets approved.

Heat exhaustion today

I spent time in the kitchen with the puppy because I wanted my coffee and I didn’t want to leave her alone. I became weak. I ordered lunch but I only ate a quarter of it. I am just not hungry. I feel so lightheaded. But my blood pressure is good. It came down.

I had an appt with my psychiatrist today. We talked about going on the weight loss drug. I also told him I needed refills. I haven’t heard from my pcp’s office about the prior authorization form yet. If I don’t hear from them by tomorrow or Thursday I will message them. I keep getting a message from my pharmacy to get it done. It is so annoying as they are the ones that are the hold up!!

Pollen count is elevated today and I have been sneezing most of the day. I just feel really shitty. I had a hard time getting up today. I wanted to spend the afternoon reading my book but I am too restless. Last night I got so revved up I couldn’t sleep. I finally settled down after some Ativan. I was listening to my favorite country station on Pandora. I also read a few chapters in my book. I want to try and be done with it by the end of the week so I can start reading my psych textbook. I got to get the remaining two textbooks this week when I get paid. I have to get them through the bookstore as they are some portal thingy for the classes I am taking. Like the portal the university has isn’t enough. I have one month off and then classes start the beginning of Sept. I can’t wait.

TODAY is Wil Wheaton’s birthday. I always think it is the 28^th but it’s not. It’s the 29^th! Today! So Happy Birthday, my crush since I was a teen. I still love him. He is a brilliant guy and funny. I love his wife too who is crazy about animals. Today is also Moo Deng’s birthday, the little hippo that made internet sensation last year. It is still adorable.

Goals for the day completed

I managed to get up before noon. I had three goals today, shower, brush my teeth, and pick up my meds. I had to have coffee but I decided to shower before having a cup. It was wicked hot in the house. Temps were in the upper 80s but it felt like it was in the 90s. So muggy. I really didn’t’ want to go out.

I managed the shower after I said my hellos to the puppy. I brushed my teeth and that didn’t go so well as I was gagging for some reason. I managed though. Then I had my coffee. I only had one cup because it was so hot out. The puppy peed in the kitchen again and I couldn’t stand the smell. I made my niece’s boyfriend clean it up. It was around 2pm by the time I was done and I decided to take a Lyft to the Square. I didn’t feel like rushing to catch the bus nor waiting for the next one. I ordered a refresher at Starbucks. I wasn’t feeling a latte today. I got my meds. The pharmacist had to speak to me about the Ativan interacting with some of my meds. I go through this every month.

The bus wasn’t for another 15 mins. I listened to Taylor and drank my drink. My legs felt like jelly as I was walking. I think it was because of the heat. I also became wicked out of breath easily. I took my time walking home, including stopping a couple of times. I was so winded when I reached my house. I sat on the porch for a bit.

I made a burger for lunch. It was a thick pub burger. I cooked it for 10 minutes and it was still red inside. It was good though. I am going to have ice cream for dinner. I really hope the ice cream isn’t reconstituted after being out in the heat for an hour. That will suck. I hate refrozen ice cream.

I had a weird dream I was with my high school best friend and we were living together but couldn’t let our parents know that we had cats. It was so strange. I woke up with a damn headache for some reason. My dreams have been so weird lately. And I keep getting headaches. I don’t see the neurologist until next month. I still have the shakes. They are worse when I am trying to sleep. I might have to get my liver enzymes tested again. I will see. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. So weird that I didn’t get like a million notifications telling me of the appt. I need a few med refilled so I am glad I am seeing him so I don’t have to put in a request.

I am feeling lightheaded. I only had one cup of coffee. Then I had 20 ounces of the refresher and a 12 ounce can of seltzer. I have been slowly drinking some powerade. I am going to recheck my blood pressure because it is high at 151/100 and my pulse is 96. I hate when the heat makes me feel sick. I have been in the AC in my room. I am not wearing my shirt. It’s 69 degrees in my room. I need a nap but if I take one I will be up all night. Sucks.