Category: depression

Saturday Blog 05102024

I have had a shit day. I had a headache all day yesterday that went into the night. I woke up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep because my head was hurting too much. I was up half the night. Then when I did sleep, I had weird dreams that caused my head to hurt more. I sent messages to my doctors, all three of them and got no responses. My psychiatrist thinks I am skipping my meds and even though I said I am not, I don’t think he is convinced. I am just fed up.

I still have the headache today. I’ve had three cups of coffee. I ordered groceries. They aren’t coming for another hour so I figure I would blog. I have to do some school work but I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I texted my classmates and no one responded. One of them didn’t even know it was due. I still need to take the quiz. I will take it after I do this stupid action potential thing.

I picked up my suit today. It fits good. I also got my meds. I ran out of Topamax last night. I totally forgot to get it filled yesterday so I missed a dose. I am back on track today though. I also got more Sudafed. I needed that. I am so damn tired. I just want to fucking sleep. But I have so much to fucking do. I hate that these headaches/migraines are making me feel like shit. I finally got the brain assignment done. It took me all day yesterday to do it. I still don’t think I did it right but I don’t really care.

My tears ricochet

I wish I could fucking cry. I couldn’t get up to save my life today. I got up around 7. Took my meds. Was going to take my T shot. Decided to lay down and I fell back asleep until the afternoon. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to give myself a shot. I just wanted to lay down and stay in bed. I had one bad dream which luckily didn’t give me a migraine or headache. I have been feeling tired all day. I finally got up and took my shot. Then I got up and made coffee.

I had to do school work today. I have been working on the build a brain project all afternoon. Trying to be creative hasn’t been working in my favor. I am such a literal person. I wasn’t always like this. I used to have an imagination. I don’t know what happened to it. I think I am almost done with the writing what my creature does. Next is just naming what brain parts it has and then draw the brain somehow with all the parts labeled. I have to read chapter 3 to go over the action potentials. I remember reading it but I don’t remember the specifics about it.

I wanted to shave and shower. I said I would at 7pm. It’s now 7. Oh well. Maybe after I finish the blog I will. My tooth is still being an asshole. I made roasted zucchini. I ate the whole thing. It was so good. I should have some ice cream for the calories but I don’t feel like eating it. I really haven’t felt like eating. I don’t know if it is the depression or the Topamax that is decreasing my appetite. Yesterday all I had was hot dogs. Nothing else. I made sure I have been drinking fluids though.

If I don’t hear from the therapy place by Friday, I plan on calling Mon and asking where I am in the waitlist again. I need to know because these dreams are disrupting my sleep and I know I need to talk about them to make me feel better about them. I feel really down and sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be around anymore. This pain between the headaches and migraines and toothache has taken its toll on  me. I am close to my breaking point. The brain stuff has cause the CRPS stuff to resurface. I am dealing with constant nerve pain nearly every day in my foot or ankle. My head is starting to hurt again. Fucking fuck. I don’t know if I am going to be able to read that chapter tonight or shower. I just want to fucking sleep.