Category: depression

Saturday Blog 28092024

I slept through the night. I woke up to pee and wanted to go back to sleep but I had to go get a suit. I had enough half and half for one cup of coffee. I checked my messages. My professor sent two emails. One was for a video to watch before class on Tues and the other was about the exam study guide. I am feeling overwhelmed. I had my coffee and something to eat. Yesterday when I went to get my meds at the pharmacy, I saw what I thought were protein pancakes that I liked so I grabbed them. They turned out to be waffles. They were still good. After I had my coffee and waffles, I went upstairs to get dressed. I really just wanted to go back to bed.

We drove to the store north of Boston to find a suit. And it was a challenge as I was between sizes. If there was a 47, it would have been perfect for me but there was not. The person helping me was wonderful. I learned my neck and arm size for shirts. Of course they didn’t have it. I am hoping the shirt I wore for my mother’s funeral will work. I have to get it cleaned at the dry cleaners. I bought a tie and shoes on Amazon. I hope the shoes are comfortable. I never bought shoes online before.

We came home and my brother in law took me grocery shopping so I could get some half and half. I needed another cup of coffee. One cup was not going to do it. I also got pumpkin muffins. They were so good. I wish they had pumpkin seeds on them. After I put the groceries away, I did my schoolwork. It took a while to find a discussion to reply to. I was being very picky. It was hot in my room so I turned the AC on. I need my room to be cold. My headache came back. I have a toothache that is annoying the shit out of me. I have to get a cleaning soon so will see a dentist about it then. I haven’t decided where to go just yet. I am having neuropathy pains in my head and it doesn’t feel good. So I guess this headache is a migraine. I can never tell what the fuck it is. It annoys me so much. I never know what triggers the migraine. I just become annoyed and irritated by sounds and light. Usually by then it is too late to do anything. I never learn.

Sox have two games left in the season. I plan on listening to the last game tomorrow. I hope Joe calls it as he is retiring and he will be missed. I can’t believe the season is over. I don’t really know what I will be doing this evening. Probably reading the library book. I need to go over the exam study guide. I got so much to do for this class and I don’t know what to do first. I am so overwhelmed.

Brain hurts

My head starting hurting me last night. I got the pressure in my head around 630. I didn’t know if it was going to turn into a migraine or a headache. It turned into a migraine. I took some Excedrin and my night meds and went to bed. I didn’t sleep well. I kept on having bad dreams. It caused me to be up during the night. My head was pounding on and off throughout the night. The Excedrin really didn’t do much and the migraine wasn’t severe enough to take my migraine pill. I just muddled through with it. Luckily, it was a cloudy day so I didn’t have to deal with the sun.

I went to Starbucks and had something to eat and then went to class. I was early so I reviewed my notes. My handwriting is terrible. Somethings I couldn’t make out what I wrote. Then I was trying to figure out the cranial nerves. There are twelve of them. I never could remember them, even when I was trying to learn them back when I was in medical assistant school. I am going to try and learn them this go round. There are some mnemonics that I can use to help.

Class was interesting. We looked at sheep brains. And I found out I got to know the parts of the limbic system and basal ganglia. There is a lot of information and I am so overwhelmed by it all. I also need to create a brain and detail it and describe how it is similar or not to the human brain. The good news is that I goofed up the due date so I have a few more days to do it. I probably will get it done this weekend.

My brain hurts so much right now. I keep trying to figure out which lobe hurts and I can’t quite discern which one it is. It’s definitely the frontal lobe and some of the parietal. My neuro sent me a message today about rebound headache and stuff. She also said that I don’t have anything structural going on to cause this and that reassured me. She said the steroids wouldn’t affect it if it were. So that is good. I just wish I knew what the fuck was going on and could stop my head from hurting so damn much. I don’t think this hormonal as it just doesn’t coincide with the timing of the T. I’ve had the migraines and headaches while on T and in between T. My blood pressure has been good so no problem there. I know the bad dreams and weird dreams are a cause of the headaches and migraines. There is nothing I can do about it until I get a therapist. I had bad dreams last night and it sucked. I don’t even remember what I dreamed about.

Tomorrow if I am up early I hope to go to social security to change my gender marker. I also see my DMH worker in the afternoon. I hope I time it right and I am not too early for the appointment or too late. I plan on bringing the library book with me so I will have something to read to pass the time. I am hoping this fucking headache/migraine is gone by tomorrow. I still need to do the discussion article for the week. It’s an interesting one about a neuron.

Waste of spoons

I had to get up soon after my med alarm went off because I was meeting with my professor on zoom. I managed to have a cup of coffee before the meeting. My biscuits came in so I had some with the coffee. It was so good to have them again. The meeting went well. She was interested in suicidology and I told her about my research stuff. We went over my paper and it’s all review so I can look at different things. We briefly talked about the build a brain and I looked it up on the website and my heart sank. I have to come up with more than a few structures of the brain, like 50 or so. I am overwhelmed. My niece is going to help me.

I had another cup of coffee and something to eat and then I got dressed because I had to go to the bank for a banking issue. I got there and seems like nope, I just had to do it on the browser not the app. Well that would have been fucking dandy had they explained that on the website or mobile device! I wasted my energy (spoons) doing this. I was so mad. I wanted something sweet but there was really no place I could go and I really didn’t know what I wanted. I just went home and made the bus which was almost pulling out of the station.

I replaced the new headphones that I lost/misplaced. They came this morning. Thank you amazon. I had music while I went out. I have been listening to ALL my music rather than one artist or a group of artists. It’s been nice because there has been music I haven’t heard in years. I miss hearing Gary Allen and Garth Brooks. I came home and I was a sweaty mess. I had another cup of coffee. I plan on having the last of the Shepard’s pie for supper. I need to finish the chapter in my textbook and read the discussion article today.

I am tired and got another headache brewing. I got a ton of pressure in my head right now. I don’t know if it will be a headache or a migraine. I still have just one migraine pill left until Monday when I can refill it. I just sent all my refills for my meds today. I was out of refills on one of my meds so had to send it to my doc for it. I should be able to get them tomorrow or Friday. Friday I need to go to social security. I need to get my ass up early and go. I will bring my book with me so I can read while I wait. I see my DMH worker who is up the street from the office. I just hope it is a nice day and doesn’t rain. Today is nice. It’s cool but not cold. I can still wear short sleeves but I can’t wear shorts. It’s a little too cool for it. It’s nice fall weather. I love it.