Category: depression

It’s a snowy January day

It’s snowing again and I think it might actually stick today. It snowed the other day but it was just a weird flurry and the ground was too warm and wet to really accumulate. It didn’t snow for long either. I don’t know if it is going to snow for a while or not but it is coming down now.

I woke up around 0430 to pee and then I decided to stay up for a bit until fatigue set in around 0700 and I went back to sleep for a few more hours. I had three cups of coffee so I am set to do whatever. I picked and bagged my recycling in my room. I have the window open and it is kind of cold in my room. I turned the fan off because it was really cold with it on. It’s 32 degrees right now, which is perfect snow temps.

I am finding trouble with my words today. I want to write but I don’t know what to write. It is so frustrating. I have some things to say about my mother’s diagnosis but I don’t know if I should write it here or in my journal or just save it for therapy. Taking care of her has been difficult as she isn’t the easiest person to deal with. She is stubborn and doesn’t listen to what she is supposed to do. Very frustrating.

I was planning on reading today but it doesn’t look like it is going to happen. I haven’t touched the book in over a week now. I keep looking at it, wanting to pick it up but never do. I broke my routine of reading at 6pm and can’t seem to get back to it. I am too tired to read. I just am not in the right head space.

Saturday Blog 14012023

I am spending the day with my mother moaning because she is in pain. Her body hurts her. I am in the kitchen. I feel bad there is nothing I can do for her. She hasn’t eaten lunch yet because her stomach is bothering her. I don’t know what she will want.

I feel sad that there is nothing I can do for her. I took a shower while my sister was here. I stunk. I feel better now but my side is cramping. I don’t know why my side cramp up near my ribs on either side. Today is the left side. I got to take Robaxin to calm it down some. I need to take it around the clock to be effective. It sucks. I thought I was done with taking pills around the clock.

I am so fucking tired. I woke up in the middle of the night. I turned to my right side which I don’t sleep on very often and knocked my box of PRNs and stuff on the floor. I still haven’t picked it up yet because I am not in my room. My phone is charging now as I didn’t put it on the charger before bed.

I messed up my eye appointment again. I scheduled my psychiatrist at the same time of the eye appointment because I didn’t look at my calendar before I booked the appointment. I just rescheduled it for next month. I have to go seriously out of town for this appointment. It will take a bus and trains to get there. It is a long ride.

Did I mention I am tired?? I need a nap so damn bad. I have been sitting in the chair in the kitchen most of the day. Just hope my CRPS foot doesn’t act up tonight. I really don’t want to be in pain. I was last night as I needed to take gabapentin. My muscles in my ribs are hurting me so bad. I took some Tylenol for it but it doesn’t seem to be helping any. I just want to lie down but my sisters aren’t home so I still need to keep an eye on my mother.