midnightdemons7

The Monday Grumps

I had set my alarm for 10 but I didn’t get up till after 12. I was in a mood and just wanted to stay in bed. Then the Keurig didn’t have enough water for my second cup of coffee and I became really grumpy. So I had one and a half cups of coffee today.

I went up to my room. I wanted to read my book but I just couldn’t open it. I got in touch with my Italian prof and I made an appointment with him for Wed afternoon. He also gave me the link for tutoring but for some reason I couldn’t get anything. I will try my laptop and see if I can get an appointment with someone. There are only two classes this week and I will be going to language lab tonight.

I am tired. I was up in the middle of the night again. I woke up around midnight and couldn’t sleep. I had slept maybe two hours. I think I fell back to sleep around 4am. I see the sleep specialist next week. I have a lot of appointments next week. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, finally. I just hope there are no delays on the train coming home. I have to pick up my meds tomorrow as I didn’t do it today. I am hoping to do it before I leave for class tomorrow.

I got to go to the post office sometime this week so I can mail out my books to my cousins. I think I will do that Wed. There is a post office right near my therapist’s office. I hope I can get an arancini.

Banned and feeling invisible

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. I ended up going back to sleep after an hour. My med alarm went off. I shut it off and went back to sleep. Then I had to pee again. When I came back to my room, I took my meds. I went back to sleep. Next think I know it’s 330pm. I got up and had coffee. My sister was cooking something so I tried to stay out of the way. I only had one cup.

I still feel tired. I went on Bluesky and the felon released a fricken huge list of banned words, most notably LGBTQ+ and transgender. I feel like I don’t exist anymore. The government doesn’t recognize me. I feel invisible and the idiots in Congress are doing shit about it.

I feel so depressed. I just want to die. I don’t see a reason to carry on. I got such a headache and feel like shit. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s hard not to take this personally.

Here is the list of banned words

Saturday Blog 08032025

I’ve been up since 3. I woke up to pee and that was it. I couldn’t go back to sleep to save my life. I did my homework. I just got to read my book, which I haven’t done yet. I got a migraine after I had breakfast. Not a good thing when you are trying to translate and understand a language. I had to have a friend help me a little because I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. The last page of the homework, I left blank because it was a video and the audio was terrible. You had to fill in the paragraph to what the woman was saying. I said screw that. I had already listened to a recording like 20 times to get the answers to the questions. I wasn’t going to do the same for something I could barely hear.

I took down one bag of recycling today. Tomorrow I will try and do a little more. I have a lot as I haven’t done it in a while. I plan on showering after I write this blog. I would have showered last night but my sister decided to clean the bathroom when she came home from work. I was not happy.

I was thinking about the book I am reading for class. I think I am going to write a summary of what I read so far as there are a lot of characters to keep track of. The prof has made a note sheet of the characters and other stuff but I want to put it in my own words. It’s hard reading this not really knowing what the next paper is going to be on. I think next week’s classes are going to be about the book. I am just about caught up where I should be on the syllabus. I want to read one more chapter tonight and then another tomorrow. My migraine has gone away. I am tired though but I think the shower will wake me up some.

Crashing down

I woke up a little before 7 to pee. I took my meds and I should have stayed up but I went back to sleep and now I feel like shit. I tried to work on my Italian but I have no clue what the fuck I am doing. I have to look at the book for answers. I had my two cups of coffee but haven’t eaten anything. I ordered a pizza.

I am feeling more and more of not really knowing what I am feeling. I just know I am depressed and don’t feel joy. My friend called the not knowing Alexithymia and I know I have anhedonia. There was a book published on anhedonia either the end of last year or this year. I can’t remember but it was expensive. I think I got the PDF version of it but I don’t remember if I have it on my phone or laptop. One of these days I will read it.

My sister tried giving me a guilt trip last night by saying I don’t do shit around the house. So while I was drinking coffee I emptied the dishwasher and loaded it. I had the energy to do it. It’s rare but it does happen. She doesn’t understand it. My other sister wonders where I have been. I haven’t really talked to her since she scolded me the last we had coffee. I don’t want to hear it from both of my sisters that I don’t do anything around the house. I just feel like that is double teaming and I won’t stand for it. So I just been in my room more. Fuck them.

I need to shower today but I am not feeling it. I sweat a lot last night. I was fucking freezing and then got really hot. My shirt was damp when I went pee. I hate when my shirt gets wet. I end up really stinking.

I have been fricken sneezing most of the day today. Pollen is up. I am taking the allegra twice a day. I did it to see if it made a difference. It has slightly. I am not sneezing so much in the middle of the night anymore. Hope the pollen isn’t horrendous this season. I hate spring. All I do is sneeze.