midnightdemons7

I’m still feeling depressed. I’m trying not to go into the abyss. I’m listening to Tortured Poets again. I showered but didn’t shave. I haven’t done anything but dishes which flared up my back. Tomorrow I need to go to the police dept to drop off the sharps. Hope it will be nice out. Today it rained and for some reason I woke up with my leg hurting me. I’ve been trying not to stay in one position too long.

I didn’t read last night. I went to bed. Had weird dreams again. I pretty much slept through the night, which is rare. I did wake up right before 7 to pee. I took my meds. I should have stayed up. I’ve been suffering with allergies all day. My throat hurts and keeps getting dry.

I made a pot pie for dinner while I took a shower. My appetite goes up and down. Yesterday I was ravenous and today I’ve just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. I got up at 1. Red Sox beat the White Sox. Series is tied but it should have been swept. It’s too early to be disappointed but idk. This win one or two games a week needs to stop. They also need to stop going in order. Inning after inning. It’s pathetic.

I’m hoping tomorrow is a good day because I want to go to library and get the book that is on hold. Not sure I’ll be able to swing it. Depends how close the station is from the Square bus. I can picture where it is but not sure how far as it’s been a long while since I’ve been in that area.

Saturday Blog 08062024

I’ve been really depressed today. It was so hard to get out of bed. I woke up around 6 thinking it was around 7 because I didn’t have my glasses on. I took my meds and went back to sleep for a few hours. I finished the library book I borrowed at like 3am. It was so good I couldn’t put it down. I got an email saying the book I had on hold is in. I was going to pick it up today but just couldn’t get going. I needed to take a shower and I think I will around 7 tonight. I managed to shave my head and face. I got a goatee going on right now. I brushed my teeth. I just need to find some energy to shower.

I made asparagus and eggs for breakfast. It didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I don’t know why. It was also bland because I didn’t use any salt and my sister didn’t put any salt on the asparagus. I ate it anyway. I was still hungry. I didn’t eat right away. I waited a couple of hours and then I made some pasta salad. My sister called me for a burger and I couldn’t say no. Now I am wicked full. I took the Latuda when I got back to my room.

Sox are playing right now and it has been a pitcher’s duel so far. Sox have yet to have a hit, though they have been on base but haven’t scored. Last night they lost.

I feel so down, all I want to do is stay in bed. While I was making the pasta, I loaded the dishwasher. My back flared up. I had to sit down to rest it. I had a coffee. It doesn’t do anything for me anymore but I like the taste. I also find it soothing to drink something hot. I could make a cup of tea but I rather have coffee. I need to get more half and half. I think I will get some Tues when my SNAP comes in.

Last night my foot flared again for the third night in a row. It was bad as my ankle felt like it was being cut open. I took some pain meds and gaba. I have been stressed about it. It seems fine during the day but at night, it flares up. It was so bad the other night I couldn’t sleep, even after taking meds for it. I haven’t done anything to cause a flare but I think the weather is the reason as it has been fluctuating with warm weather and rain.

I am tired. I don’t think I am going to shower today. I smell as it has been a few days since I last took a shower and I have been sweating. I wish I could just jump in and out but with my back, it just takes longer. Sox are losing to a 16-48 team. Unfucking real. They get me so damn mad. I will have time to read tonight, once the game is over. Not sure what I will read but I think it will be the gender book.

Sleepy day

I got into a pain flare last night and couldn’t go to sleep until like 2am. I slept until like 7. I had woken up to pee and then I took my meds. I went back to sleep and then my sister texted me a few times and I got up. She needed someone to talk to the contractors. Apparently they had to redo the siding on my side of the house. It was a bit rainy today but much cooler than it has been. I made something to eat and had coffee. I finished off the pepperoni and cheese that I had. I was still hungry but I didn’t know what to eat. I went up to my room and laid down. I fell asleep for three and a half hours. I had some weird dreams. My sister called me and I had to use the bathroom. I called her back. She wanted to know about the siding. I hadn’t seen it as I just woke up from my nap.

I wanted a cup of coffee and my sister had made a wonton soup. I had that for supper. It was good. I’ve never had wonton soup before. I couldn’t finish the bowl.

I didn’t do anything today. I did do some school stuff that had to be done for financial aid. I also sent a message to my pcp telling her I started taking a magnesium supplement after reading an article about magnesium. I seem to fit the symptoms of hypomagnesium so I am hoping taking it twice a day helps with the spasms and fatigue. I also asked if I could get my mag level when I see her in a couple of weeks to make sure I am not over doing it.

My psychiatrist’s office called this morning to cancel my appointment with him. I was so fucking pissed because it has been almost two and a half months since I saw him. Luckily, I was able to make an appointment with him in two weeks. Unfortunately, I have three appointments that day. His makes four. I have a busy afternoon. I might end up taking a cab home rather than walk to the station, depending on how I feel. I have a cab voucher for it.

Despite sleeping for a few hours, I am still fucking tired. Sox are playing the White Sox in Chicago. They lead 3-0 right now. I’ve been keeping tabs on the game. I don’t feel like listening. I weighed myself and I’ve gained 5 pounds. I don’t like this. I need to do something but I don’t really know what to do. Some days I get really hungry and other days, I eat just one meal a day. I wanted to shave today but never got around to it. I did manage to brush my teeth. Tomorrow I hope I can shower as it has been a few days. My sister said I smell. She is so “nice” to me.

I was hoping to hear back from the therapy place but I still haven’t received a call or text from them. Maybe tomorrow. My anxiety has been bad lately. I couldn’t sleep the other night because I had it in my head that I wouldn’t be able to get out of my room if a fire broke out so I couldn’t sleep. It was so difficult to calm down from that. I can jump out my window if I can’t go down the stairs. I should get a safety ladder or something like it, just in case of emergency.