midnightdemons7

I did a few errands and put on three loads of laundry. Came home and was wicked sad. House just feels so empty without my mother.i went to my room to write this blog and my laptop wouldn’t work. I am so frustrated with it. Restarts take forever. I think I might have to buy a new one.

It’s like 80 degrees out. I have the binder on. I put it on after I showered. I didn’t sleep well last night. I woke up in the middle of the night again and didn’t get back to sleep till after I went pee at like 6am. Then the bowels woke me up around 1030. I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom on time. My chest feels heavy today and I was short of breath while walking. I think I have fluid in my chest again as my chest isn’t as flat as it was. It is hard though so it might just be healing. I’ll find out Thurs when I see the surgeon.

I am wicked tired. Wicked sad. I need to take my recycling downstairs. Tomorrow I don’t have to do anything. My allergies are wicked bad today. Nose is all congested and my eyes keep tearing. I got to use Flonase again. I get in a routine of using it and then forget a few days. Nose has been hurting me for some reason past few days. I hate this season but I hate summer more. Can’t deal with heat.

I tried calling PT to make an appt for my foot but my phone wouldn’t connect for some reason. I’ll try tomorrow.

A happy Monday 15052023

This morning when I checked Twitter, I read some happy news. A very sucky pitcher got DFA’d! I am so happy. He was awful last year and continued to be this year. I am glad they got rid of him.

I had one cup of coffee before therapy. It was not enough as I wanted to just go back to sleep. I should have rather than have kept my appointment. I told her I skipped some stupid prompts on the handout she gave me and the way she reacted was typical of her. She pissed me off. I had to hear again how I had to change my behavior, to reach out more to groups and such rather than to my providers. She makes it seem like she can’t offer me support and it pisses me off.

I had another cup of coffee after therapy and ate the leftover cauliflower my niece made. She had gotten into it, even after I told her it was all mine. Least she saved me some. The water was being worked on today so I couldn’t shower. I will try tomorrow. I was supposed to go pick up my prescriptions today but I never made it out. I got lazy. I took a nap for a few hours. I really didn’t want to do anything. I just want to stay in bed.

I am having a little bit of chest discomfort tonight. I don’t know why. I haven’t put the binder back on yet. I am rebelling. I am so tired. I don’t know if I am going to listen to the game. They lost yesterday, actually, they lost all weekend. Three in a row. I don’t know if I can bear to hear another loss. Right now neither team has scored. I hope Houck (my favorite pitcher) can pitch well today.

I wanted to tell my therapist that I am planning on going to the hospital but I think it will be better for her to find out when I am in the emergency room. Fuck her. I am sick of her telling me to seek support all the time. Usually when I do, it isn’t a good experience. I better off on my own.