midnightdemons7

Early start to the day

I woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had about five hours of sleep. I guess that was all I needed. I tried reading for an hour or so but I was awake. And hungry. I ordered McD’s sausage burritos. I had a relatively quiet time until the bitch came down to make her coffee before leaving for work. She was instructing me on doing things while she was gone. I ignored her. She ended up loading the dishwasher and running it before she left. I had another cup of coffee in silence when she left.

I tried taking a nap but I couldn’t. Allergies were bad today as I kept clearing my throat or gagging on post nasal drip. I used the flonase and my allergy pill. But there is high pollen and that kills me. I am surprised the pollen count is high as the temps are still chilly. I needed to shower and go to pick up my meds. I ended up showering and was in too much pain afterwards to go out.

In the afternoon, I did my Italian work. Or at least started it. It is much easier this week to know the verbs. I did nine pages online and it took me nearly two hours. I had to take a break and eat something as I was getting a migraine. This is the second migraine this week. I’ve had headaches for three straight days. The bitch came home and started yelling. I had made dinner. My niece had ordered McD’s too so there was a pile of recycling to go out and she (bitch) freaked the fuck out. Both my niece and my sister were yelling back at each other. I just kept on doing what I was doing and staying out of it even though the bitch was including me in the argument. I am so sick of her shit.

I made a lemon blueberry cake. The blueberries sunk to the bottom so there is like a fruit bottom. It was delicious. I had to have a piece as it was the first time I made it with soda. It was really moist. I will definitely make it again and next time buy frosting for it.

I got a post migraine headache and I am wicked tired. I just took my night meds. I have been playing my game most of the day as well as keeping abreast of the news. The dumpster fire keeps burning. Measles cases still rising and the idiot Kennedy is promoting vitamin A which is leading to liver damage in kids. It’s just a fucking mess. I don’t think we can recover any time soon from this level of stupidity. And if the GOP have their way, I won’t be able to vote next election because I don’t have a passport. So fucking stupid. I just want to scream Hello, wake the fuck up you morons.

Class canceled

Both my classes today were canceled so I didn’t leave the house except for a little walk I took to meet someone and it was for nothing. I came back to my house as I walked up the little hill very out of breath. I had to sit on my porch for a few minutes to catch it before going up the stairs. I have pulmonary tests next week. This is going to be fun because I have to go from one end of the hospital to the other and it is quite a walk. I know there are benches for me to rest before getting to the building I need to go to.

I made an appt yesterday for bottom surgery consult. My referral is in. I was looking at what the procedure entails and it isn’t like what I see on the porn sites. I guess I will have to talk to the surgeon about what I want, which is just a clitoral release so it is more up than down. I don’t want phallo, just meta.

I have done nothing in three days. No reading or school work, barely getting out of bed, barely eating. I am just surviving on coffee and powerade. I just feel really blah. I had therapy yesterday. It was a good session. She wants me to write down what is going on when I have the suicidal thoughts, to be more aware of what is going on. She asked if I had a plan and I didn’t answer and she didn’t press me on it. I really don’t want to talk about my plan with anyone. I’ve been playing around with dates. I might wait until I know if I get financial aid first. I just don’t know when that will be. I was told it was in June but not given a date. I have no idea if I will have to do the SAP thing again. I am just struggling right now just to deal with every day stuff. I need to shower and brush my teeth. I also need to schedule a cleaning of my teeth. I just don’t want to go to the place I was going because they just yell at me and don’t do anything except tell me I need expensive procedures. I need to find another place.

I woke up like three times during the night because I was having dreams of my mother. Each time, I woke up with a headache. I think around 5, I took a migraine pill. When I got up around 11, I still had a headache but it went away. Now it is back again. I just took some Tylenol. My sister has been eating my ibuprofen bottle like it was candy. I need to get more. Part of the reason I didn’t go to the square today was because it was so fucking bright out it was hurting my head.

My niece got a puppy and I am in love. She is so cute and tame. She also gets excited when she sees me which I love. I found her sweet spot to rub. I am not really a dog person but I am becoming one.

Do nothing day

I couldn’t get up this morning. I tried but my body was like fuck it. I missed class again. I wanted to get up around noon but it didn’t happen. I got up around 2 instead. I feel like shit mentally. I had some coffee and some donuts. I don’t feel like eating real food. I still have leftover Chinese food.

I am still waiting for the professor to correct my quiz. I know I did poorly. The concepts are not easy to remember. We are moving to something else this week. I haven’t looked at it yet.

I have therapy tomorrow. I hope I can wake up and get going. Today was a disaster. I feel bad missing class. I am almost up to where I need to be for class in the book. I was reading last night until I fell asleep. I woke up around 2 and then I read until 4. That is probably why I couldn’t get up. I hate this split sessions of sleep.