I kind of feel lousy today. My stomach is not doing well and I had to take a cab home to hurry to the bathroom. I hate it when my stomach gets upset but the alternative of having an accident outside the home is more humiliating than having it in the home.
Funny how many will think of the word “accident” as a car or some kind of vehicle accident than a bowel or bladder incident. I had a few while I was working and it was not fun. I often had to go home afterwards to clean myself up. When asked why I said I had an accident and they immediately thought that I had a car accident. They didn’t realize that I had regressed to that of a two year old. How indignant is it that a grown person has a leaky bladder and when the stools are loose, an accident. I can’t help it. I have lost function of my bowel and bladder so when I get a signal from either I have to make it to the bathroom or I lose my underwear and have to take a shower. But no matter how many showers you take you don’t feel clean. It just makes you feel like a dirty person and it messes with your mind.
I am having an okay day otherwise. My foot (knock on wood) has been ok so far. I am sure it will act up in a few hours when I am trying to watch the game. Stephen Drew is back in the line up tonight. Can’t wait to see his début. Hopefully it will be good and he plays solid defense. Everyone has been commenting on how the Sox have no errors so far. I hope they don’t jinx the team because they are commenting on it. I will be upset.
I still have not talked to the group leader about me leaving the group therapy that I started over a month ago. I think it is best that I move on from that group. It is too triggering and I feel bad afterwards. I just don’t think the group is for me anymore, though the down side is not going by Fenway Park every week. Only reason why I have not done so is because I know he will want me to say goodbye to the group and I am just not ready to do that or think that it’s appropriate. Can’t tell a bunch of people I have to leave because I am getting nothing out of this group and need to move on, especially when some of the members are so close to the edge themselves.
Think I am going to watch Lincoln now…
midnightdemons7 