the start of a connection

The start of a connection

I first met Michelle online through Facebook. I was struggling with writing and she kept posting how her writing was going every day. I asked her what the key to writing a book was and she said it was through writing something every day. I don’t remember how exactly she decided to take me on as a motivator for her writing projects, but I felt honored that someone thought that highly of me to do so.

It started off as a month project, then grew to another month and before we knew it, it was a year. We set up writing goals for ourselves, Michelle had them more than I did. If she completed her goal of writing for the month, she was rewarded with an article of clothing. For me, if I was successful with my blogging, I got a journal or added more funds to my Starbucks account.

Through this I noticed a change in my thinking. I was very depressed and suicidal when this writing project first began. I was also in a lot of physical pain due to my nerve injury. There were times I was prolific in my writing. Then there were days I couldn’t write to save my life. I would just write a page or two a day in my blog and that would be it. My blog became my online journal for the world to see and as it grew, the more viewers I had. It became an outlet for me to share my thoughts and pain and to help others. I also found that I was helping Michelle and that felt good. My suicidal thoughts peaked in February and I was wondering if I was going to be letting Michelle down with my death. I didn’t let her know, maybe I did, I don’t remember. And then through another connection, I found that I couldn’t let myself kill myself because there were people in my life that I cared too much about, Michelle being one of them. Slowly the thoughts decreased. I still have them today but they are not as plentiful as they once were.

My writing goals are still the same, though I have upped the ante a little bit by writing four pages a day for the book that I am writing. This seemed like an impossible goal but now I am seeing it as a way to express myself and to keep me here. And I thank Michelle for giving me the purpose she wants me to have.

Today is World Suicide prevention day and by the small step of human connection, though miles apart, it helps save one life today.

Michelle was kind enough to include me in her blog today. You can read it here.