I have been fighting the urge to sleep all day. I took a shower and then went to walgreens to pick up my script. I am really exhausted and my foot is killing me. I am really in a dark place. I hope I can talk to my therapist tomorrow. This weekend has really been shitty. The nerve block wore off and I was in all kinds of pain yesterday. I just am trying to keep things in perspective but it is just so hard. I emailed my psychiatrist and all she had to say was sorry I am in so much pain.
I have been craving dinosaur chicken nuggets and smiley french fries. I hope I can get them today but my sister’s car is blocked in. I really don’t feel like taking public transit to the grocery store. It will be too exhausting. All I did yesterday was sleep. If I wrote a blog, I don’t remember what I wrote. I just wish I could feel the way I did before the nerve block. I rather be a 3 all the time than an 8. This sucks. I want ice cream too. I might raid my sister’s freezer as I saw she had black raspberry. I am in such a sucky mood that all I want is junk food. I should have bought some when I was in Walgreens. I wasn’t thinking. It’s really warm out today. But it’s cold in my room. My feet are cold.
I don’t know if my niece is starting to read my blog or not so I won’t go into the dark thoughts. I really don’t want to be anymore. I just feel like everything is a waste. That I am a waste of space. I hate feeling like this. I heard another actor died by heroin overdose. I didn’t know him or even heard of him. But I hear there is a kind that is killing people.
I just want to die. my soul is just blackness. I have fallen into the abyss again.
midnightdemons7 