Last night I was in excruciating pain. It was terrible. I emailed my psychiatrist that I was done. If my PCP wants me to jump hula hoops he has another thing coming. I am not buying into it anymore. I no longer care what is causing my pain. I know what helps my pain and that should be all that matters. He isn’t questioning my blood pressure medication. Why the hell is he giving me a hard time about my pain medication. I am sick of it. After last night, I swore to myself this was it. It’s the weekend so I can’t do a thing about it. My foot still hurts so I won’t be going out like I had wanted to. It probably would hurt me anyways.
I know I posted a lot yesterday and last night. I got the writing bug back so please forgive me. I have to express myself the best way I know how, by writing.
The President of the AAS posted an article about how the mental health care in the UK is going down the tubes. It’s been going down the tubes in the US for some time now. I know, I have been apart of the system. The hospitalizations don’t care about stabilizing you they just care if you aren’t going to hurt yourself when you leave. And then it is up to incompetent clinicians who don’t know how to deal with suicide and suicide ideation. Most don’t want to change their practice to the new system. Some won’t even attend a seminar about it. I think it has to be mandatory, statewide or they cannot renew their license. That is what I think. If they were to get into a program of CAMS or use the SSF I think there would be a lot less suicides out there for people that want help and this way here they won’t be turned down. But I don’t think there are enough clinicians to do the job. Graduate programs only have a minimum of five or six slots per year. That is a very small number for new clinicians. I also think there should be incentives to work with the population that most needs it. It’s all about triage. But can triage really work in the mental health system? Who is to say that the quiet kid in the corner who is hurting is not the worse off than the one screaming at the top of his lungs because voices are telling him they are going to kill him. I don’t have all the answers. But for those that want help should have priority over those that don’t want help. But unfortunately, those that don’t want help are truly the ones that need it the most. Those are the ones that will end up killing themselves. There is no easy balance. Everyone’s needs are different. And if you shy away from that person, you leave a bad impression about being cared for in that person’s mind.
In my case, if I stopped going to a therapist every time they left me, I would not be here. Sure, when that therapist left it gave me a bad taste in my mouth. But I knew I needed help and so I sought it out. Not every therapist is right for every person. Sometimes you have to go through several to find the one you can talk to the most and won’t be so judgmental, or feel like they are. It took me 11 therapists to find the one that I have been with for more than a decade now. It just takes time and patience to find that right one.