time and patience

Last night I was in excruciating pain. It was terrible. I emailed my psychiatrist that I was done. If my PCP wants me to jump hula hoops he has another thing coming. I am not buying into it anymore. I no longer care what is causing my pain. I know what helps my pain and that should be all that matters. He isn’t questioning my blood pressure medication. Why the hell is he giving me a hard time about my pain medication. I am sick of it. After last night, I swore to myself this was it. It’s the weekend so I can’t do a thing about it. My foot still hurts so I won’t be going out like I had wanted to. It probably would hurt me anyways.

I know I posted a lot yesterday and last night. I got the writing bug back so please forgive me. I have to express myself the best way I know how, by writing.

The President of the AAS posted an article about how the mental health care in the UK is going down the tubes. It’s been going down the tubes in the US for some time now. I know, I have been apart of the system. The hospitalizations don’t care about stabilizing you they just care if you aren’t going to hurt yourself when you leave. And then it is up to incompetent clinicians who don’t know how to deal with suicide and suicide ideation. Most don’t want to change their practice to the new system. Some won’t even attend a seminar about it. I think it has to be mandatory, statewide or they cannot renew their license. That is what I think. If they were to get into a program of CAMS or use the SSF I think there would be a lot less suicides out there for people that want help and this way here they won’t be turned down. But I don’t think there are enough clinicians to do the job. Graduate programs only have a minimum of five or six slots per year. That is a very small number for new clinicians. I also think there should be incentives to work with the population that most needs it. It’s all about triage. But can triage really work in the mental health system? Who is to say that the quiet kid in the corner who is hurting is not the worse off than the one screaming at the top of his lungs because voices are telling him they are going to kill him. I don’t have all the answers. But for those that want help should have priority over those that don’t want help. But unfortunately, those that don’t want help are truly the ones that need it the most. Those are the ones that will end up killing themselves. There is no easy balance. Everyone’s needs are different. And if you shy away from that person, you leave a bad impression about being cared for in that person’s mind.

In my case, if I stopped going to a therapist every time they left me, I would not be here. Sure, when that therapist left it gave me a bad taste in my mouth. But I knew I needed help and so I sought it out. Not every therapist is right for every person. Sometimes you have to go through several to find the one you can talk to the most and won’t be so judgmental, or feel like they are. It took me 11 therapists to find the one that I have been with for more than a decade now. It just takes time and patience to find that right one.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in blogging, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to time and patience

  1. Gede Prama says:

    visit your blog, read an interesting article. thank you friends for sharing and greetings compassion 🙂

  2. Lynne says:

    hello – I have commented before however sometimes my comments are a tad long.
    My last experience of being “in psychiatric hospital” was around 5 years ago. I observed how some “patients” or “service-users” did not appear to improve even when they were in for quite a long time – I was an “in-patient” for 5 months.
    Obviously I was there for a reason myself.
    However – I observed one lady – who took her clothes off “outside” in the area where “inpatients” were permitted to smoke a cigarette. What was sad was like myself – this lady had only recently had a baby. Although hers was more recent than myself.
    Honestly – I put my “kneck on the line”. I phoned this ladies “best friend” and I said I didn’t think this lady was getting the correct help.
    Now – looking back – I can see this was a “huge faux pas”. It really wasn’t my business to get involved.
    I “bumped” into this lady a few months ago. She is about 5 stones heavier than she was – at least. Her face is all “bloated”. In fact – she was – unrecognisable. The very fear I had for her in her situation 5 years ago came true – her EX boyfriend has the baby – well I believe it is him.
    This poor lady – I believe she wanted to “make friends” with me but I “shrunk away” from that idea.
    When she was at her most ill in hospital – she thought her baby was “Jesus” and that she was the “Virgin Mary”.
    Had she been married to the baby’s father or anyway in a “stable” relationship with a partner who loved her – she and her family may have “got through” that faze in her life.
    Her behaviour was a bit odd at times but she was also very coherent too.

    The reason I am telling you this is because of my observations in treatment.
    I had the uncomfortable thought that the “Clinicians” were observing our behaviour without “heavy medication”. or without medicines such as “anti-psychotics”.
    But the other thing is this – for “illnesses” such as “bipolar affective disorder” – they can benefit greatly from “behavioural therapy”. So in other words – find the right medication and get therapy – they go “hand-in-hand”.

    Now – i realise that “behavioural therapy” is not the best thing when one has just been admitted to a psychiatric ward.

    But – WHEN IS THE NHS – GOING TO GET THE MONEY IT NEEDS TO GIVE NEEDY PEOPLE THE CORRECT PSYCHOTHERAPY??? (Sorry I put that in Caps but the NHS clearly need more money to help people get psychotherapy – medication alone is NOT ENOUGH – and even the medication isn’t ALWAYS THE RIGHT MEDICATION!!!!

    best wishes from

    Lynne

  3. Lynne says:

    Reblogged this on 1966buttons and commented:
    Intelligent and thoughful blog – always enjoy reading midnightdemons7

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s