sleepy

I had a terrible day. Most of it was with side effects from the abilify. I have been feeling like a rubber ball being stretched out. I had to take some Ativan to quiet this down and that made me sleepy. So I have not done any work today. I woke up around three o’clock. I made something to eat and then my mother made the worse meatloaf in history. It was terrible. I could only eat a few pieces and then left it. It had no form. I don’t know what she missed making while making it but I would have liked just a hamburger instead of that slop.

I feel lousy for some reason. I am really cold. I usually am never cold unless I am sick or the temp in my room is below 50 degrees. Seeing as it could be either making me cold, I say it is because of the temp. We had more snow today, at least four inches, if not more. They haven’t plowed yet and I am glad I didn’t go out like I had wanted to. I hope it is all cleared up by tomorrow as I need to go into town for my father’s doc appointment. I have been a bundle of nerves so have been taking extra Ativan, which is also why I have been so sleepy. I could go back to sleep right now if I let myself. I really don’t want to go to my father’s appointment but someone has to. I know my sister is off of work and I hope she doesn’t want to go. She will want to drive and it will drive me crazy because there is a shit load of traffic around the hospital that time of day. We are seeing the doc in the late afternoon so I know how crazy it gets around the hospital because I used to work there.

I really should take a shower. Maybe it will warm me up. But I really don’t feel like going downstairs again, unless I have to go pee. I have been drinking a lot of fluid today so should be soon that I will have to go. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. My ankle isn’t hurting too much today so I think I can chance a shower.

I tried working on my “darkness” story but didn’t get as far as I wanted to. I want to get to around 4000 words. But it’s hard writing as I have to be in the “darkness” space. I can be depressed and write but it’s just too much. I know I am depressed now because my thinking is slower than it usually is. Even when I am writing my therapist her letters the words don’t flow off the page like they normally do. I think I need an antidepressant. But what? I might as my pdoc to put me back on Remeron. That helped with my sleep and lifted my mood for a bit. Maybe I will take some tonight as I have a few pills left to see if it will do anything. Might help get me out of this slump that I am in. Thing is, I have been feeling tired all the time so not sure it will help with that. I can’t remember a time when I woke up feeling rested, even when I do wake up in the early morning hours. It just sucks.