a painful rainy day

A painful rainy day

I had therapy this morning that I didn’t want to go to. I was in a lot of pain and really didn’t feel like talking. It was pouring rain when I got up today. Probably why I was hurting. My neck and leg, ankle, foot were hurting me so damn much. In therapy we talked about the letter I wrote my mother. She said it was clear and good. I told her how I would give it to her and she thought that was ok. I told her I was in pain and she thought that we should come up with a plan to deal with it. I tried getting away from the topic and she got me back on. I hate when she does that. I told her I would take some BT meds and watch the show Community for a bit. It is a good distraction even if the show is stupid.

I gave my mother the letter and she didn’t have much to say other than she will try to do better and she was sorry for making me feel the way I do. So now that that anxiety is over with, I am listening to Taylor Swift Red. I had my second cup of coffee in my Fuck Transphobia mug. I am tired. I feel so worn out. The rain has stopped but it is still cloudy and damp. I am still in pain. I don’t feel like doing much. I had wanted to clear off my bed as shit has collected itself at the foot of my bed again.

I’ve been alternating between voiding on my own and cathing today. If I don’t get a strong urge to pee when I get to the bathroom, I cath. I find that when I do cath I can go longer without peeing than when I void. I have not put the timer or med app on to keep track of peeing. I just have been monitoring how much I drink and then within an hour or so I will go to the bathroom. This is just a strain and another thing to keep in mind during the day and night.

I have a few ideas of what to write in my book. If I didn’t have pain brain fog I would try and write a few hundred words. I brought this up in therapy and not surprising, my therapist wasn’t interested in what I was writing.

It’s the All Star break so the Sox are off the next three days. I am already sad. I guess I will be watching Netflix more. I am craving fries and pastrami so I ordered it for supper. I need to go to the grocery store for some more Gatorade. I also want to pick up some rice as it is on sale. Would love to make zucchini and rice. Maybe I will take out some chicken for tomorrow and make my lemon chicken too.

any thoughts?

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