Saturday Blog 17072021
I woke up in the middle of the night again because I had to pee. I was able to get back to sleep but the disruption cause me to sleep in late. I have been lazy all day. I had two cups of coffee today. I just finished my second cup. I needed it.
I’ve been feeling really down. I have been thinking about past trauma most of the day. Someone had posted on Twitter that you were not at fault. I couldn’t help but think of all the times my father blamed me for his behavior. If I didn’t act the way I did, I wouldn’t have been beaten up. I wouldn’t have been punished.
I finally took a shower. I realized that my gender dysphoria gets in the way of taking one because I hate the way I look naked. I was having a hard time getting in the shower. Once I am in there I go to automatic pilot and close my eyes as I wash my hair. I wash up and don’t really pay attention to what I am doing. I can’t wait for the day to have the things off my chest and I don’t have to wash under them anymore. I hate during the summer the sweat is so awful.
My ankle has flared up. My foot kind of slipped while I was drying off so I think I may have inadvertently flared it up. I already took a BT med so I just need to wait to take my night meds, which will be soon. I plan on listening to the game. We have a rookie in the lineup that is all the buzz.
I’ve been listening to all my songs and Rascal Flatts “Moving On” came on. I haven’t heard this song in forever and it is fitting where I am at right now. I never dreamed where home is not where I belong struck a cord for me. Also the line where they won’t allow me to change. Such powerful lyrics.