want to sleep to oblivion

Want to sleep to oblivion

I just took a shower after a long day and I am completely knackered. I hope that I can fall asleep at a decent hour tonight and actually sleep through the night. I have been bad about my fluid intake today but I am not going to do anything about it now. It is too late and then I will be up in the morning hours to pee. I don’t want that. I got a bloody headache because my neck muscles are so fricken tense. I can’t get them to relax. It hurts so bad, not as bad as my foot though. The shower I took really annoyed the crap out of my foot and ankle. Way I feel right now is I want to sleep until oblivion. I have stuff to make it happen. I just am not there yet.

I had therapy today and it was a good session though I ended up having to do three goals by Monday. I have to do a DBT skill, write about it and stuff, and drink an Ensure because I am not eating. She was serious about this. I told her I was having only one meal a day. That is when she brought up the Ensure. She said that my depression is the severest she has seen it. She is really concerned about me. There is nothing I can do to make her less concerned. I agreed to the three goals because it was a compromise. She was open to me writing to her as long as it was a few hours before session. She said I could make a google doc and copy and paste it in the website patient thingy. Only problem is that the website thing doesn’t accept pasting from other programs. I tried it with word and it didn’t happen. I would have to make the document while writing in the website.

I am extremely tired. I just took my night meds, all eight of them. I also take eight in the morning. I take a lot of meds. Once my psychiatrist calls in the increased dose for the Latuda, I will be just taking seven pills at night. I am having to take two Latuda pills because I still had half a bottle of the 40 mg dose and I didn’t want to waste them. These pills are expensive. I just hope I can afford them in January when I have to pay for my meds again until I meet my deductible. The psychiatrist is hoping that this medication helps my mood but it hasn’t done shit so far and I seem to be more depressed than not. I really think my celexa needs to be increased. I am only on the lowest dose right now. But the psychiatrist wanted to play with the Latuda first. Thankfully, I am not having any side effects other than changes in my bowels. I have been having softer stool since starting this medication, sometimes to the point of diarrhea. I never have a happy medium with my bowels. It is either hard or extremely soft. There is no in between.

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