my rest day

My rest day

Yesterday was a long ass day. I saw the shoulder specialist and it was a long visit. I had to have x-rays done. He said healing should occur in like two months but I should be having strengthening PT by then. I also didn’t have to wear the sling anymore so I could have movement in my arm. He said the muscles in my arm are strained. Great. I follow up with him in two months.

After that I went to Starbucks and got something to eat and have a mocha. I sat outside and ate and just played on my phone. I still had time before my next appointment with urology. After drinking the big cup of mocha I went to the appointment a half hour early so that I could give a urine sample. I wait an hour more as there was an emergency in the clinic. I had my test which was about an hour and was uncomfortable. The doctor heard what I was saying and did a pelvic exam that was uncomfortable too. The test didn’t show anything different but my pelvic floor muscles are tight and they could be what is causing my pain and urgency. I need to see a pelvic floor PT. Nope not happening. I am not going for that kind of invasive PT. I will just keep doing what I am doing.

I left the office three hours later and I was hungry and tired. I came home but all I did was crawl into bed and waited until it was at least 7pm so I could take my night meds to sleep. I sent a message to the uro to see if I am still to cath and take the bladder medicine as we didn’t discuss that. She said that I am.

I spent the day in bed. I got up around 1230p to have coffee and something to eat. My nephew was having something to eat when I said hi to him. I love him so much. After I finished my coffee, I went back to bed but I couldn’t sleep. I was having muscle aches from the fall. My left side is so sore from pulling the muscles in my arm and shoulder. I wanted to shower today but couldn’t bring myself to do it so I just shaved my head. I had to because it was blending in as I haven’t shaved in a few days. It took a while to shave as there was a lot of hair. I thought about jumping in the shower but I didn’t have clothes with me. I will take one tomorrow.

Today is my godmother’s birthday. I’ve been thinking about her all day. I was talking to my cousins about her. It helped. We usually spend the time seeing each other to celebrate but because of covid we haven’t been able to get together.

I had PTSD symptoms last night while trying to get to sleep. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it much. I just took some Ativan to calm down. I was intermittently suicidal as I wanted to take a bottle of pills. I just hated how I felt. So today I am tired. It was a hard day yesterday but I made it through and I didn’t overdose like I wanted to. It was hard getting through those feelings.

any thoughts?

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