thoughts about today

Thoughts about today

I had therapy today and I didn’t want to go. I wish I slept through the appointment and I almost did as I woke up 4 mins before session started. My laptop was being slow as fuck to wake up so I was a few minutes late due to technical issues. We talked about last week and how my family went against me because I didn’t bring down my recycling. Also talked a little about being suicidal. She said I need to stop being vague. I also told her I was stressed over my finances because I was short with this month’s payment for the mortgage. I will have to owe my sister the money next month. It is because my meds were $160 that I am short. I have $85 to go before I don’t have to pay anymore because my deductible will be met. I still need to get the new blood pressure medicine that I will be hopefully prescribed tomorrow.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I came back home and I was so short of breath. Going up the little incline to my house gets me every single time. Then I have to go up the stairs and it just kills me. It didn’t take forever like it did the other day to catch my breath again. I had some water while I was resting. I was pretty thirsty. I am still having bladder pains. My foot is a little better today though it has been throbbing all day. The icy coldness that I felt yesterday is gone. Read today on Twitter that a Nor’easter is on its way toward us this weekend.

I am wicked tired because I have been up since 4am. I woke up to pee and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I took my morning meds at 7 and had my first cup of coffee then. I didn’t have my second cup until after therapy. I was so damn tired. We didn’t talk about heavy stuff but it still took a lot out of me. I didn’t want to go and ended up going anyway.

I am seeing the new PCP tomorrow for my blood pressure. I hope she doesn’t want labs drawn. I plan on having my bloodwork done for my TG doc in a couple of weeks. I plan on going to bed around 2100 but it might be sooner as I am tired. I know if I go to bed sooner than 2100 the risk of me waking up several times during the night increases. I just cannot stay asleep when I get to sleep.

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