Over the weekend while I couldn’t sleep, I decided to look at top surgery surgeon in my area. There were two places that accepted my insurance so I went with those. I got called today by one of them and have an appointment in April! I am so excited/nervous/scared all at once. Then I had therapy and I have decided that I love/hate her. We talked about getting trans support and it is my own anxieties keeping me from seeking out other trans folks. There is a transmen group that meets this Wed online. I am going to try and join it. Only problem I foresee is that it is between 1900-2100, which is usually around the time I go to bed. I might be too tired to join. I have to join an online thing that I only heard about through Wil Wheaton. I have no idea how it works so it will be interesting if I go for it.
Today was my niece’s birthday. I just came from the party. It was a good time. I couldn’t find the energy to shower so I plan on showering tomorrow morning before I leave the house for PT. I hope the PT can help my side and shoulder blade. It has been bothering me the past three days. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and down all my pain meds. I am so tired of being in pain every single day. It will be four months since the fall and that one fall I am still hurting. I still can’t even pick up 1L of water with my arm. It hurts so bad when I try or forget. I was able to do my arm exercises today for the first time without pain. I am making some progress but it is really slow and painful.
I contacted my PCP’s office to find out when I should expect the holter monitor and they said it could take up to a week. Great. I came up the stairs from the party and got really dizzy and out of breath. I had no palpitations so that was a good thing. I just took my night meds. I am unsure if I am going to use the vaginal estrodiol cream tonight. It doesn’t absorb well and I don’t like it. Just from the one dose I keep having it all over the place and on my underwear. Makes me feel gross.
I don’t plan on doing anything this evening. I am almost ready for bed.