rest day

Rest day

All I did today was rest. I took my morning meds really late though. I am not really worried as the only med that is vaguely important is my pain meds but I will just take my night meds later than usual. I am listening to Taylor’s Speak Now. I love Back to December so I have it on repeat.

My mother made the fish I bought yesterday. She also made potatoes and artichokes. I just had the fish and potatoes. I wasn’t in the mood for an artichoke. Because my mother’s back hurt, I had to clean off the table and put the extra food away. I did and then came upstairs. My heart rate wasn’t high today. It was normal 130s.

I have about two months before my appointment with the top surgery surgeon. I keep thinking of it as a death day. I am cold. I have no feelings other than sadness. I will be going alone to this appointment. I am not really sure where it is and if it is accessible by T or if I will need to Uber it. I know it will cost me $70 for copay. I hope it isn’t the price I pay to die. I just have this feeling of dread.

I am so damn tired even though I slept late this afternoon. It wasn’t a restful sleep though. I kept waking up from weird dreams. Then I had to pee really bad and that is when I got up. I had a message from my pcp’s office. It was about the palpitations that I have been having. They didn’t offer too much advise other than it was important to record these events and see what is going on. I went up the stairs twice and my heart rate didn’t go above 135 today. So weird.

any thoughts?

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