I honestly don’t know how to take my therapy anymore. I am so very suicidal and my therapist is not being helpful. frankly I just want to be done with it as I just am going to die anyways so why the fuck bother. as I am suicidologist I am trying to do the work outside of therapy to find some hope that I can hang on to. and also to share things with my therapist so she can try and help me. it is just overwhelming me because I know how to get out of this but my therapist doesn’t and no pun intended, it is killing me. why pay for therapy if I am just going to do it on my own anyways. what is the point of it all. I just don’t see it.
A bill was passed in Iowa today banning female trans kids from performing in sports. A Florida high school kid got suspended indefinitely because he handed out pride flags at a protest for the “don’t say Gay” ban. And parents are being hunted down for affirming their transgender child. I can’t take it anymore so I am off Twitter for the night. I will read my book. I’d like to finish it by this weekend anyway and start the Brief CBT book I just bought.
I didn’t sleep well again last night. I woke up around midnight in pain and found it difficult to sleep. I was up every 3 hours or so. Was a really bad night.