a productive Sunday

A productive Sunday

I woke up at 6. I think I peed but I don’t remember. I had a weird dream in which I cathed in a bathroom at my old house in East Boston. My dreams always seem to take me back there. I miss the house. If I ever get enough money, I plan on buying it.

Around 7 I started reading the Brief CBT book. It left me with more stuff to talk to my therapist about tomorrow. The only thing that sucks is that it doesn’t have a blank Crisis Response Plan and the crisis stuff templates they do have are stuff to do with someone else who is interested in helping the person. I don’t have anyone and I don’t want someone to “watch” me if I am crisis. I can handle being suicidal as I don’t plan on killing myself at my house so taking away my pills is not going to be helpful and it will just annoy me.

The part I read today was about session structure. I listed them in the notebook I have for the book. After I read it, I plan on writing out all the highlighted text. The session structure looks like something my therapist and I can do as she sort of does it anyway. The only thing she doesn’t really do is give me skills to work on for the week. This is where we sort of get divided. She ends the session on what will be helpful for the week and I read my book for help. I have stopped texting her things. I told her I would only text her about session stuff, like time related stuff, if I was going to be late kind of thing.

Around 11, I started having palpitations and my heart rate was over 110. BP is 143/96. If it was higher I would be on my way to the ED. I might be going anyway because I have a weird sensation in my chest. It is like a flutter or something but it is a heavy kind of feeling/pressure. I really don’t want to go. For all I know it could just be a tight pec muscle.

Update: I did go to the ED. They checked my cardiac markers and even though they were slightly elevated they let me go home with some ibuprofen for the chest discomfort. I am to take it every six hours for the next few days and then follow up with my pcp. I was freaking out over the results of the tests. I thought I would have to be admitted. I am glad they sent me home though. It was nice being in my own bed. I had to do my med boxes when I came home and then take my night meds, which thankfully included an Ativan because I was hyped up. I did some reading but couldn’t really concentrate.