Trans visibility day
Today is trans visibility day. I got the urge to call the plastic surgery dept for an appointment for top surgery. I called three different numbers to finally connect with someone. I now have an appointment in July with the chief of plastics. I asked my therapist for a letter of support and she said we would talk about this on Mon. WTF. I am so anxious now.
I read some stuff about nipple grafts. I still haven’t decided if I want it or not. I just want the breast tissue gone. But if the surgeon wants to do a nipple graft than I will have it as some surgeons prefer to do them. I will have drains. The appointment is in July so I have until then to work on my weight a bit.
I am tired today. I didn’t sleep well last night. I read most of the night because I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to turn on the laptop. I tried to stay off my phone as much as possible. I didn’t have that much messages so that was good. When I did sleep, I was up every hour. I was either thirsty or I had to go pee. I was also having weird dreams that kept me up.
My biggest fear right now is that my therapist is going to tell me I am too depressed for surgery. If she won’t write the letter, I will have my psychiatrist do it. He volunteered to do it when I told him I got the referral.
My uro NP reached out to be about the sample catheters I had requested. I have an appointment with her tomorrow afternoon. Bladder pain has settled down some. Tomorrow I stop taking 2 of the 3 uro meds for the test I am having done next week. It will be with the old urologist that creeps me out. Gonna be fun being exposed with him. I just hope he doesn’t have to exam me at all. The test is to see if the meds I take are causing my bladder to be atonic. I can still void. I just don’t empty all the time or it takes me a long time to empty because the stream is fickle. Cathing just makes things easier as I have to cath after I void anyway to make sure the bladder is empty.
I am tired today. I was supposed to pick up my meds but never did. My niece said she would but she disappeared when she said she would get them. I haven’t heard from her since she left. My brother In law picked them up for me. I am grateful he goes for me. I am just so damn depressed and psychache is kind of high. My ankle/foot pain is a 4. I realized this morning I didn’t take my morning meds yesterday so that was why I had heartburn all day and was in serious pain all day. I didn’t take my extended release pain med so I was in pain. Yesterday was a very bad pain day and now I know why. Ugh I hate when I miss taking my meds. I could have sworn I took them. But the box was full of meds so obviously I didn’t. Now I know the med is doing something. Today the pain is low but still uncomfortable. I have been taking ibuprofen all day because my shoulder has been bothering me. I must have pulled a muscle when I reached behind my back. I used the TENS unit on it and the trapezius muscle on my neck to help ease the pain and tension there. It helped. It was kind of scary though because as I had the pad on my bicep it was moving my fingers as well with each pulse. It was definitely on a nerve.
I have a dentist appointment next week. I am not looking forward to it. I might cancel it because I have been really bad about brushing my teeth. I didn’t brush yesterday or today, yet. I just am too lazy. One of my friend on Twitter told me about toothbrushes where you just chew them. That would make me sick. I don’t really like the taste of toothpaste anyway. She was trying to be helpful in getting me to brush on days I don’t feel like it.