Sunday Blog 01052022

Sunday Blog 01052022

First day of May. I started it off with brushing my teeth and shaving my face down to a stubble. I didn’t touch my mustache this time. My hair on top is slowly growing back so it doesn’t look like I am bald. A friend asked me if this was a start of a trend. I hope it is. New month to start a good way of hygiene.

Yesterday I found out Naomi Judd died by suicide. I am happy for her. She is no longer suffering. She also wrote of the struggles of hygiene and wanting to stay in bed all the time. I guess I am the same way as I do the same. I usually just sit up in my bed with my laptop or a book. If I am not up for that I am listening with my headphones to music. I sent an email to my former psych to tell her about my plans for ending my life if things don’t go well on Mon with the pain doc.

Last night I didn’t get much sleep as I woke up around midnight and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I read a few chapters of On Juneteenth. The book is more about racial inequality than about slavery in 1865. It also talks about how racism is hidden until someone brings it out then the whole white community acts out on it. People you thoughts were your friends are now against you. It is really sad. It isn’t a long book so I don’t mind reading it. I just have to take breaks from it because it angers me so much.

I had three meals today. Cereal at like 5am. McD’s at 10 and then leftover Chinese food now. My mother said the rice wasn’t good. I will have some later to try it. I didn’t have any yesterday. I just had my lo mein. My mother is making chicken in the oven as she didn’t want it to go to waste. My nephew had bought it but didn’t make it. Someone will eat it.

I took a nap around 1 and slept until 3. I feel good but a little groggy. I might make a cup of coffee. I made it. I am in the kitchen typing this. I felt like changing the location of where I was. I shaved my beard but I haven’t showered yet. I probably will before bed. I have a big day tomorrow. Sox are in a rain delay right now that might be called because it is the 6^th inning. They will lose if it is called. O’s are winning 4-1.

I have therapy tomorrow and then I have to call an Uber to see the pain doc. I hope she will listen to me. I will discuss this in therapy to try and not act demanding. I really just want an additional breakthrough med or an increase in the extended-release med. I need something for the pain. I like what I am on and don’t want to change it to something else. Just hope she agrees with me and honors my request.