I should be sleeping…

I should be sleeping…

I should be sleeping but I am still upset over my sister. My mother needed some hangers so I gave her the box that I had. The bitch said I would wash them. I said why? They are in plastic. She says oh. Ya oh so shut the fuck up bitch. My younger sister was there and said something to me. Fuck you too for sticking up for the bitch who uncalled for said something about the hangers. I am so sick of both of them treating me like I am a diseased bug of some sort. Gets me so annoyed.

I know and don’t want my younger sister to play referee. She shouldn’t have to. But she is my support at times. She loves me and I love her. She has always been there for me. Lately though I feel like I am on her nerves. So I have been trying not to be on her nerves by not calling or texting her. I know her job is stressful.

I have been trying to get through the 13 pages of the ABC PLEASE skill that my therapist sent me. OMG are you fucking serious? When I went through it, I thought two things, totally hetero and ableist. The only thing I like was the one where you can think about sex. This skill isn’t for me. I need a skill that I can do and learn that will click. This is too complex. A is about action and doing stuff now. B is about something I can’t remember because there were like four parts to it. C was again complicated. I don’t like DBT shit. I should have told my therapist that I wanted an easy skill with only a few parts. Not something that is going to take me WEEKS to learn!

Ugh, It is 1 O’clock. I don’t remember the last time I went pee. I guess I should empty my bladder and then try and go to sleep. This day has been so damn shitty. I hate that I have been crying but I’m glad I am because I know I need to get the tears out. It makes me feel better but also makes me very lethargic. I really hope I can get my meds tomorrow without dying. I don’t know what time It is going to be really hot out but the pharmacy doesn’t open until like 10am. I plan on going around noon, unless I can get my bro in law to go. He is good about it.

I saw a friend’s top surgery revision today and I literally just started crying because I was so happy for him. Made me wanted mine so much more. I really hope my friend isn’t joking about staying at her place while I recover. She lives in south of Boston and it might just be the break I need from my family.

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