Saturday Blog 21052022

I wasn’t sure I’d be writing today. Bitch sister has me all upset last night and it carried over into today. She said some things to my niece so now my niece might think I am not in chronic pain or even disabled. What is worse is that my highly opinionated niece didn’t say one word to stick up for me. I may be paranoid here but I seriously think everyone in my family is against me. I told my mother this morning and she didn’t say a damn word.

It got me thinking about my top surgery. I will have no one to help me with dressing changes. I will have ask the doc for nurse to come every day to check on me. I hope this will be possible. If it isn’t, well my death by suicide will be sooner than planned.

I spent the day riding taxis so I could get my meds and some food. I couldn’t believe the price of a half gallon of half and half is now. Price gouging is real. I had to do a lot of walking because the voucher was only for food and medical appts. Luckily there was a supermarket next to the pharmacy I had to go to. Then I forgot the half and half so had to go through the store to the back where the dairy products were. My legs were killing me. And there was no place to sit except for some cement half steps on the building. Was very low to the ground and not comfortable at all. By the time the taxi came to take me home I was exhausted. I couldn’t go to the pharmacy close to my house to pick up the rest of my meds. That will be tomorrow’s adventure.

I am trying to enjoy the game but I have been crying on and off since I came home and the bitch came home making me feel more hypervigilant than ever. She sent me a text saying she was sorry. It had a but in it so I knew she wasn’t really. She said sorry to me last night but with a smirk and attitude of self righteousness. Told her to fuck herself. Then went upstairs and I had a fucking panic attack with a crying fit. I took a hefty dose of gaba last night with my night meds. I was hurting, physically and mentally.

The workers are finally done with painting and fixing the walls. They put up handle bars for my mother to make it easier for her to go down and up the stairs. Easier for me, too. I can sleep late again.

any thoughts?

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