writing in the morning

Writing in the morning

I woke up around 145a. I wrote a page in my journal and then went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up again around 430 to pee. I just stayed up. I had breakfast and coffee. Now I am writing and listening to Hamilton musical again. It’s been so long since I listened to it as I have been so obsessed with Taylor.

I slept most of the day yesterday. There was no ballgame. They are on the west coast now so that means late games. Boo. Games start around 2130. We play the Athletics and then the Angels. Their record is 24-27 right now. I don’t know where they are in the standings. I really don’t care. They are below .500 so until they get above then I will care.

As the game is tonight, I have time to read my book. There is supposed to be rain today so I don’t plan on going out. I have no where to go anyways. I am wearing my new glasses that I haven’t worn since I bought them. Pain is bad today because of the weather. In the middle of the night I took 2100 mg of gaba because the burning was so damn bad. My leg continues to burn. I only took 300 mg of gaba with my morning meds. I think I need to take another 600mg to get some relief. Only problem is that if I take it, my concentration and focus will not be so great so reading will be tough.

Right now I just rather sleep. And just listen to Hamilton. I never brought my recycle downstairs and today is trash day. I will next week. Things on Twitter is sad. They talk about the shooting and bans against trans kids. I just can’t deal. I feel so bad for these kids that want to play sports or even want care and can’t get it because it is banned. It kills me because more youth suicides will happen.

I need to shower. I brushed my teeth today. I feel so tired and pain is so bad. I told my youngest sister and she wants me to reach out to someone. WTF. I thought I could reach out to her. This has upset me so much. Now I don’t feel like I can count on her.

Really fucking annoyed now. My mother turned the tea kettle on and sat in the living room. She forgot she turned it on. Good thing I was home or another tea kettle would have gone up in smoke. I don’t know if bitch sister is home. If she is, she didn’t come out to check on my mother or kettle. Fuck. But I don’t do anything.

I made lunch and now my pain is worse than what it was. I am going to take some gaba and a BT med to try and calm it down. It stopped raining but the temp jumped a few degrees upward. I am sweating. Going to take a nap now. I am getting really sleepy from being up so early.