Saturday Blog 04062022

Saturday Blog 04062022

Within minutes of me waking up, my foot started throbbing. I went downstairs for some coffee and to have something to eat. My sisters were there talking. Arrangements have been made for my uncle. Unfortunately, it is at a time I have a doctor’s appointment so I won’t be able to go. I shared the link to my father’s side of the family in case anyone wanted to attend.

I wanted to see if my AC worked so I plugged it in and tried to turn it on. It wouldn’t come on. I tried with the remote and got nothing. My brother in law came up and gave me the plug. I plugged in the wrong AC. Do’h. It is working fine but I can’t seem to get the wireless working as I don’t have the numbers. I have no idea where they are located but it isn’t on the side of the AC where it is visible. I don’t understand why AC makers have to put the serial and model numbers away from the panel of the thing. Why not put it where the filter is and be done with it. Oh but that is too easy. So I can’t register it for a warranty and because the box has been taken away, there is no hope of me getting the numbers until I take it out in November. I hope to get the broken AC out of the way by then.

Last night I wrote a message to my psychiatrist and therapist asking them if they understood why I want to die. I think it is important for me to know because if they don’t understand it then we got a problem. I also asked my therapist if she validates the reasons why I am suicidal. I read the chapter on psychodynamic therapy and how suicidal patients should be validated for how they are thinking about it but that doesn’t mean the therapist agrees with the decision. There has to be an understanding for the alliance to be good. Otherwise it isn’t going to be and that is a concern. Right now I don’t feel my therapist validates anything I say to her. She just says “ok”. I don’t find that validating. I started writing the highlighted text of the book into my notebook last night.

Last night I was in a lot of severe pain in my foot. Three metatarsals were throbbing and my head felt like it was going to explode. I took my migraine med and some meds for my foot. Nothing was calming down the foot pain. So I decided to read a chapter in BATA. (Building a Therapeutic Alliance with the Suicidal Patient). It stirred up a lot of things. Reading helped distract me from the pain and by the end of the chapter, the pain had decreased some.

I took a hefty dose of gaba last night with my night meds. I thought it would knock me out but I ended up staying awake until the end of the ballgame, a little after midnight. I tried writing in my journal but I was too tired. I fell asleep and slept through the night surprisingly.

My med app kept going off at times that were after I was supposed to take my meds. So I sent a message to the developers and they suggested somethings. I did them so now we will see if it works. The phone goes into a sleep mode and I think the app goes to sleep with it rather than “stay awake”. It didn’t work. My 4pm alarm didn’t go off until I unlocked the phone. Shit. Now I will have to uninstall/reinstall the app. Ugh.

Sox are playing in about 10 mins. They won last night, their 25th win of the season. They are getting closer to being a .500 team! Going to tune in now and listen to the game.

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