a sleepy day

A sleepy day

Game ended at 0011 last night. I tried to sleep but my bitch sister left her room three times and was loud as hell all three times, slamming her door. WTF It startled me so I was up till around 400 when I finally was able to get some sleep. I tried writing in my journal about therapy but I was too sleepy. My med alarm went off at 0830. I shut it off and went back to sleep. I should have set an alarm because I didn’t wake up till around 1020. I had an 1100 doc appointment. Well, it wasn’t going to happen. I sent a message to the doctor’s office, emptied my bladder, and then went back to sleep after taking my meds. I kept on having weird dreams that woke me up several times but I was able to get back to sleep. I didn’t get up again till 1530.

I got up and emptied bladder. This lot of catheters seem to be defective. I’ve already had five that didn’t work. My nephew left the sink a mess with his hair so I left it for my sister to find only my mother came home before she did. I had two cups of coffee and a frozen dinner. My mother had fresh pineapple cut up so I had that as dessert. It was really good but I ate too much as the roof of my mouth is now raw.

I was thinking about my therapy session yesterday and realized a few things. One, she doesn’t have empathy. And two, our definition of validation isn’t the same. She never validated me on anything the whole time I was with her. After telling her something important, all I got was “ok”. OK isn’t validating. I felt more frustration with her than anything. I still think she always wanted to stay in control and be the “expert” in the room. There were multiple times where she asked me what I wanted from therapy. I still don’t know. I realized that what I am reading in the Building a therapeutic alliance book is not universal. I will have a difficult time trying to find a therapist who has read this book and can give me the kind of therapy it entails. But as I have only a year to do things, I don’t think engaging in another therapy would be worthwhile.

My uncle’s funeral was today. I didn’t go. My mother cried and it would have killed me to see it. She had her favorite daughters there with her anyway. He was kind but always was touchy feely. I didn’t like that. Nor did I like that he always wanted to be kissed on the lips. I tended to avoid him whenever possible.

Sox won last night. The game didn’t get over till a little after midnight, before my sister started being a bitch. West coast games are so hard as they are so late. They have three more games with the Angels. I am not sure who they play after, maybe the Mariners. Just hope the two cups of coffee I had keeps me up through till game time.