1989 Blank Space

1989 Blank Space

I’ve had a rough night sleeping. I’ve been waking up either every hour or every few hours after some weird dreams. I gave up around 630 because I had to pee again and was hungry. I thought I had one more K-cup of my coffee but it turned out to be Dunkin’s French Vanilla. My breath stinks terribly. I need to brush my teeth. I didn’t do it yesterday. I just couldn’t find the energy.

I am listening to Taylor’s 1989 album, song Blank Space. It is fitting because I have termed it my therapy song. I have a blank space baby and I’ll write your name. It’s gonna be forever or it’s gonna go down in flames.

I am having a hard time with not having a therapist again. I was talking to a Twitter friend last night that is a therapist. I explained the situation to her and she said I should have been validated. That made me feel better because I felt like I was losing my mind about it. I thought I was in the wrong but really my therapist is. She doesn’t know how to validate someone. She can’t understand what someone goes through that forces them to make bad choices in life. She has no empathy which makes it worse. Part of me wants to have another session with her to tell her these things. But I don’t think it will be worth it. I doubt she will change.

I didn’t drink all of the coffee. It was too sweet for my tastes. But the one thing I hate about Dunkin coffee is that it always gives me a stomachache afterwards. I thought because it was different, it would keep me up. Nope. I am ready to hit my pillow. I have been having cramps lately in my left calf and this morning, my right foot. I stopped taking tizanidine because it was causing dry mouth. I have to start taking it again because of these cramps. I notice that if I take it with magnesium, I don’t cramp or have as many spasms in my muscles. Only problem is I have to be careful with the tizanidine as it interacts with my blood pressure medication. It will lower my blood pressure to really low numbers. I have to make sure I drink a lot while taking it to keep my pressure up.

The rain has already started for the day. It is supposed to be on and off throughout the day. Afternoon is to bring tstorms. My pain is going to be crazy. It’s going to be another day in my room. I probably am going to sleep as I was up half the night. Maybe I will read some BATA. The next chapter is on mentalizing, which I love. But first, I got to get some sleep. Will write more later.