rain turned to sun

Rain turned to sun

It was supposed to rain all day today but by 11 it had stopped and the sun came out. It was muggy but a manageable muggy. I was feeling confined so I decided to go out today, my first time out in a long while. Before I left, I brushed my teeth. I was on my way out when I realized I forgot my wallet and mask. Getting them cost me missing the bus. I had to wait a half hour for the next one. I didn’t mind. It was nice out and I had a place to sit comfortably while listening to “blank space”. I had it on repeat until I got close to Starbucks and then I switched to all repeat.

I ordered the new impossible breakfast which was a plant based sausage patty with fried egg in a ciabatta bread. The bread was tasteless and the meat was good. After eating, I got out my book and read a chapter in the BATA book about mental pain. It was difficult to read as I understood the pain these people were going through in the patient descriptions of pain. When I got through reading the chapter, I collected my things and left. I caught the bus just in time. I scrolled through Twitter and one of the tweets was “what was the best thing someone told you when you were hurting”. I wanted to reply nothing but I just moved on.

The bus missed my regular stop so I got off at the next one which meant going uphill to my house. I got a palpitations attack soon as I got to my porch. I don’t know what my heart rate was as my phone no longer measures it. It took about 45 mins to calm down. Now my chest feels discomfort. My heart rate has gone down. Was in the 70s when I got to my room and is now in the 60’s. I am really tired. My ankle is hurting. I had to have it hang while sitting at Starbucks. It doesn’t like that. I was too short for the chair to reach the footrest. I thought about moving to the table to but I didn’t want to be close to anyone.

I am tired and may nap. Sox are playing late again. Tomorrow is worse as the time is a half hour later than today. I don’t know if I am going to stay up for that game. I feel really sad. I don’t know why. I thought I was handling ending therapy ok. I can’t help but think about my therapist. I don’t see my psychiatrist until next week. We got a lot to talk about. I hope he doesn’t try to encourage me to go back into therapy. I really don’t want to. I just took some ibuprofen for my chest discomfort. Hope it works. I think it is just muscle pain.

Tomorrow I plan on getting my blood drawn for the weight center. Blood tests are routine with some anemia tests and a vitamin D level. I haven’t had a vitamin D test in a while so it would be good to see where it is. I take a supplement every day because I am deficient. I started taking a B complex vitamin about a month ago. It has helped with giving me some energy. I am not as fatigued as I was before starting it. Not a huge difference but I have felt it. Will be interesting to see what my iron values are.

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