Chronic pain and trauma
Chronic pain is a traumatic stressor. And other peoples’ skepticism or dismissal of chronic pain often mirrors our culture’s attitudes & responses toward many traumatic stressors– especially complex, long-term traumatic stressors that are “invisible” from the outside. Glen Patrick Doyle
With this I realized that I have been fighting not only chronic pain but also trauma as the pain triggers me into thinking something worse will happen. It hasn’t been addressed my a therapist because the therapist I saw was not a trauma therapist nor did she understand chronic pain. I was left to deal with my thoughts on my own most of the time.
It should have been a red flag for me when my therapist said that she couldn’t fit my needs. That I needed to go outside of therapy to get well. I’ve never had a therapist say that to me before. And I’ve had a lot of them. She was number 15. I know a lot about therapy. I study it when I can. I read about suicide stuff and I am an autodidact suicidologist. I sort of am with therapy but mostly psychodynamic therapy and not CBT or DBT. I have flitted through DBT stuff and some of it I find helpful. Some I do not. Same with CBT. Actually, CBT just confuses the fuck out of me. The only thing I got from that was cognitive thoughts lead to behaviors which lead to emotions and it is one big circle. I might have gotten the order wrong so please don’t quote me on this.
I won’t go back to this therapist or another one as I am planning to die and I don’t want someone to stop me. If I do see someone, I want it to be with someone that is trauma informed as well as have some dealings with chronic pain. Maybe seeing a pain psychologist will be ideal but one that isn’t trying to get me off my meds.
I honestly don’t think I need therapy. I am fine without it. And having this hang over our heads isn’t a good feeling. It is like having an elephant in the room that we just aren’t talking about. Least that was what I was feeling with this therapist. Maybe she was burned out and just didn’t want to see me anymore. I don’t know if she “terminated” me or if she is still the therapist on record. I will find out when I see my psychiatrist next week. I will tell him this about trauma and chronic pain. It is a vicious cycle. I don’t know if there is a way to get through the difficulty of it all.