so appreciated in my house

So appreciated at my house…not

My sister has this obsession with my door being closed and I don’t like it. Not one bit. So I have been moving my niece’s furniture and blocking her door. Today she barges into my room to call me an idiot, asshole, bitch. How is your day going?

I got some much needed sleep last night around the 8th inning of the ballgame. There is something about listening to Joe Costig that always calms me down. Sox were leading 5-2 in the 8th and won 6-3. I wasn’t up for that part of the game. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up till the game was over. I had to pee but I didn’t stay up too long. I was so tired.

I woke up early today beginning at 0400. Then I was up nearly every hour. I took my morning meds around 0630 to shut of the alarm. I didn’t have my glasses on and turned off the wrong alarm. I turned on the cath alarm so I would be up around 0930 to have breakfast. I had a bowl of cereal and then made coffee but my sister made me so damn nervous, I left the coffee downstairs. After she swore at me, we haven’t spoken a word since. I sent her a text asking her if she mentalizes or does she just think about herself? But never got a response. She probably has me blocked.

I had texted my barber last night because I lost the website for his booking thing. I was contemplating getting my haircut or growing it out. I was liking the curls in the back of my head. All gone now. I got a two all around rather than a 0. I still look bald in front but it isn’t as noticeable. Now I have to shower again. Just as well as I am all sweaty. After the haircut I went to Starbucks for something to eat and get my mocha. I saved the lemon loaf for tomorrow and I hope no one fucking eats it. I finished the chapter I was reading in BATA and then tried to read the next one which dealt with CBT. I don’t know what the fuck it is with this therapy but soon as I try and get into it, the language changes to Greek and I can’t understand a word of it. I started to take notes so I could bring it to my therapist when I realized I have no idea what the hell they are saying. They talked about suicide mode but didn’t define it, which was frustrating. Then they went to Beck’s work and I got totally lost. I couldn’t focus anymore.

I had passed some gas and then it was getting uncomfortable. I didn’t know if I was going to shit or pass gas so I just packed up my stuff and caught the bus home. I came home just in time to release my bowels for the second time today. Fun. Luckily I didn’t soil myself. I was sweating and needed to cool off so when I was finished with the bathroom, I went up to my room to cool off.

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