Sunday Blog on Earth Day 2018

Sunday Blog on Earth Day 2018

Today was my niece’s birthday and I woke up an hour before I had to be downstairs. My mother never called me to put on her socks so I pretty much slept, even though I once again had weird dreams. I went downstairs to use the bathroom and my mother was in there, getting ready for the party. I asked if I could use the toilet and she said okay. She then asked me if I would put the socks on. I said okay. I brushed my teeth before I did. She then asked what took me so long. Seriously??

After I put the socks on, I just went downstairs. I forgot to take my pain meds and it had been hours since my last dose. My ankle was throbbing so I asked my niece to get them for me. She brought the bottle and I took them (not the bottle!) It was a good party. I was talking to my nephew about computers and saw the Celtics lose by two points. I haven’t watched basketball since Larry Bird retired. The uniforms were horrid. I couldn’t watch the last 33 seconds. The Sox were losing as well. They lost last night. The A’s pitcher got a no hitter and despite my best in jinxing it, it didn’t work. The Sox got their first series loss of the season. It is their 4th game they lost.

My cousin came over with her baby. I haven’t seen the baby since it was born. I don’t go down the street because I don’t like her grandmother, my aunt. The baby was so damn cute. I held her and I missed my “kids” being that small. It kind of felt good to hold a baby. I don’t know why.

My pain was relatively okay during the party. I didn’t hurt until I came back up to my room. Course I get to my room and then my mother calls me to take off her socks. UGH. So I went up and down the stairs in a short time. Ankle did not like that. Then I realized it was close to med time and I haven’t filled my box for the week. Double UGH! I filled the box and took my meds. Took two steps back to my bed and ankle had a flare. I am hurting so damn fucking bad.

I want to thank my readers who read my blog, no matter what I post and comment to support or just let me know they are there or that I helped them through whatever. It means a lot and it is really appreciated.

3 thoughts on “Sunday Blog on Earth Day 2018

  1. Hi Leslie,
    I’ve been thinking about this most of the day. Having an open discussion of suicide is a tough subject for a lot of people for different reasons even if we both want to die for similar reasons. Trouble is there is not much a psych hospitalization can do other than aggravate the fuck out of you. The days of helpful caring staff are rare and unfortunately, stays are not long enough to provide treatment or even help. It is more like putting a band aid on the open wound and then sending you to the wolves.
    I honestly don’t know how I am still living despite my desire to die. People live for reasons only they can say. My reasons are few and I’m sure yours may be as well.
    Whatever is keeping you here, stick to it. Even though I am planning the end doesn’t mean I will act. And that I guess is living. G


  2. Dear G Collerone:
    I want to discuss a hard thing. How do you live when you want to die.
    I want to die and I know you have expressed this similarly many many times.
    That makes me think that there must be lots of others in this painful vice.
    I wonder if there is a space for “us” to talk about how badly we want to die and how terribly we don’t want to live as things are.
    I know you are in Boston, I in Baltimore.
    Could we start a “movement” of people like us – without scaring others, without our being told we need psych hospitalization??
    I don’t know if any of this makes sense.
    Might this movement give us a reason to live?


any thoughts?

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