bad night of little to no sleep

Bad night of little to no sleep

I will never again have a late coffee after 2pm. I couldn’t sleep last night to save my life. I was drifting off around 0300 so laid down, but all I did was toss and turn. I just couldn’t get comfortable and my mind just couldn’t rest. I had tried everything. Listen to music. Write in my journal. I stayed away from reading the book in case it got me thinking more. I stayed off my laptop. I just couldn’t rest. I honestly think it wasn’t cold enough for me to sleep.

Today is so fricken humid. The kitchen is disgustingly hot. My mother was in the living room where it was cooler. That is how I know it was too hot. I had my coffee. I brushed my teeth. I want to shave and shower but I might just shave. I hate showering when it is humid. I might do what I did last week and that is just cover myself with a towel and then get dressed in my cool room.

I tried to nap and all I did was rest. I hope I don’t get brain fog when I see my therapist in a few hours. That will really suck. Afternoon times were really my “awake” hours. Now it is fighting sleep. I find if I am up before 10, I am more productive, usually. But if I wake up after 12, I am useless and have sleepless nights like I did last night.

I think it is going to downpour. The sun is blocked and it is getting kind of dark out for it being close to noon. I don’t know if T storms are in the forecast. I haven’t been paying attention to the weather. According to Weatherbug, there is 50% risk of storms so guess it could happen. I closed my chair on the porch so it didn’t get blown if the wind was strong.

I took out a couple of burgers so I can have them for dinner tonight. Wish I had turkey bacon. That would be a colossal sandwich. I haven’t had lunch yet so maybe I will make my cheesy scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese. Too hot so I just made mac and cheese.

I had therapy. I didn’t fall asleep or was foggy brained, thank god. I told her what a clusterfuck of a week it was and she wants me to be proud of myself for getting shit done. She harped on this the whole session. Then when I changed mid to last few minutes of session, it was really hard to talk about what I needed to talk about. We talked about my mother’s abuse towards me. I told her I haven’t told my family about the top surgery. I let my friends on facebook know but not my family. They don’t need to know right now.

I made a burger for dinner and had half a beer with it. It was good. Now I am tired and all I want to do is sleep. Just been an emotionally exhausting day with very little sleep. I am in so much pain with my ankle because there are storms coming. I feel like I have no reason to live and just want to die. I’ve been cathing most of the day. Thing that sucks is the AC makes my hands cold so when I touch myself it is like BBBRRRRRRRR. Sucks.