code brown and therapy

Code brown and therapy

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. Soon as I sat down, shit came out. I looked down at my underwear and there was a mess. I had crap everywhere. I had to shower. I cleaned myself the best I could then jumped in the shower to do a better job. I didn’t have clothes with me so I went up to my room naked. Then I noticed some turd on the steps. Fucking a. I went to my room and got dressed and noticed I shit the bed too. Fuck. It was 3am. It took me an hour to clear off my bed and then take off the sheets and put sheets on. I am NEVER buying solid colors again. It took me a good while to know which end to put the sheet on. Fuck. My back was killing me. I stayed up for a couple of hours as I was nervous I would shit again. I had loose stool so that meant no farting for fear of sharts. I finally slept a bit. Then woke up and texted my therapist to find out what time we were meeting. I didn’t know if it was 10 or 11. It was 11. So I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up at 1030.

I didn’t feel like having coffee. I used the bathroom again and shit once more, all loose stool. Great. If I go one more time, I will take immodium. Therapy went ok. I told her about a dream and the night my father almost killed my cousin with his shot gun. It was triggering. I kept zoning in and out. I lost track of time for a bit. We talked about how my cousin pissed me off and then I got no response. We still haven’t spoke. I asked if she got the texts about the pills and she got it. She still doesn’t trust me. I guess it will happen in time.

It is raining today. I don’t feel well. My stomach still feels icky. I think the Miralax is just running through me. I am also tired from being up in the middle of the night. My prescription is out of stock so I don’t have to leave the house today. I have a dentist appointment late Wed afternoon. It is for a cleaning and check up. I hope I don’t have anymore cavities. I still have to get them filled. I’ve been too chicken to do so.

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