can’t sleep blog number 101

Can’t sleep blog number 101

I woke up about an hour ago because I had a headache. Now I went to the bathroom because it has been at least four hours since I cathed and was having pressure. Very little urine came out. Even on my last cath before I fell asleep, little urine came out. Hope nothing is wrong other than I haven’t been drinking as much. Urine has been clear and light colored so I am not dehydrated. Just worries me because usually with that pressure I felt, I would have a close to full bladder.

I have to go into the square today to pick up my meds. They have been ready since Monday but there was no way I was leaving the house with the runs and not feeling good. As I cathed last night before bed, I noticed how I was cathing, the position my body was in. It might be some problems when I get the top surgery because I don’t think I can bring my arms forward like I do. I have to discuss this with the surgeon. I might have to void for a while until I heal a bit or at least until the drains and stitches are out.

All I had for dinner last night was a bowl of cereal. My mother was in the kitchen doing her puzzles. I was feeling pretty irritable because I wasn’t feeling good. My mother was annoying me. She must have burped at least 5 times and in between was moaning. Then she started sneezing. It was pretty warm in the kitchen because she closed the door as she was “cold”. She said she was sneezing because she felt a draft on her arms. Where the fuck the draft would come from I have no fricken idea. I hurriedly ate my cereal and left the kitchen. I had to get the fuck out of there before I said something I shouldn’t.

I get paid today. I fell behind in my bills. Now one of my credit cards “minimum” payments is like almost $600. I can’t afford that. I am going to have to call and see if we can work something out. I hate this time of the month because I always get stressed I am going to bounce my checking account like I have before. Last month was the first time in four months I was in the black. Hopefully I can do the same this month.

I got therapy tomorrow. I might cancel the appointment as there is nothing to talk about. I don’t feel like talking. She isn’t pressuring me to come in like she did before. I haven’t been as suicidal this week like I was last week. I think it is because I am not in so much pain like I was. I had some throbbing going on during the pain group but it seems to have settled down some. I still have the bladder pain which is driving me crazy. Technically it has been a year as the pain started when I had my hysterectomy last year. The gyn surgeon noticed my bladder was inflamed then. I never got a response from uro to the message about whether the new med he wants to try is for inflammation. Maybe I will get a response today.

I have an appointment to see the dentist today in the late afternoon. I hope I am able to keep it. I am going to have to leave at least a half hour early because it takes me forever to get up a hill. I thought about taking a cab but it is literally across the street from me so not really worth it. Hope the cavities I have are still the same and haven’t gotten worse. I was supposed to get an estimate on a partial for my baby teeth to be removed but haven’t heard back from either my insurance company nor the dentist. I will ask when I go today if the lady is there that handles it.