just done with today

Just done with today

I had therapy this morning so I had to get up. My med alarm is my saving grace because I think otherwise I would have slept through my appointment. I didn’t want to get out of bed today, at all. I got a message from the surgeon’s office. Nursing is still being finagled so I had to go in. I tried to keep the compression bandage on but by the time I got to the office, it fell off. They put it on before I left and by the time I came home, if fell off again. Fuck it. I don’t care anymore. It is so bloody annoying. I wanted to go to the little grocery store in the Square but I was so bloody tired. I just caught the bus home. I hadn’t eaten anything all day except some biscuits with coffee. I was starving. I really wanted ham but I couldn’t find it so I just took the lasagna. It was good. Maybe when my sister comes home from her walk, I can get the ham.

It is like 60 degrees today so I am wearing shorts with my button-down shirt. I stayed in the same clothes. I don’t care. I am too lazy to change. I am so fricken tired. I was again up in the middle of the night. I read for a couple of hours. I also wrote in my journal. I read about mentalizing by Jon Allen. I find the concept fascinating. Mind in mind, or something like that. It always makes sense when I read it but trying to describe it outside of the paper is hard to do.

My chest hurts. I keep getting cramps on my side and between the rib muscles. I took some ibuprofen. It should take care of the discomfort. I can take off the nipple bandages tomorrow and just put on bacitracin on them from now on. I can use a bandage if they get rough or irritate my clothing. Now I just need this wound to heal and I will be done. I can be shirtless. I can’t go out in the sun the first time because of scar issues but I plan on applying vitamin E to help decrease scarring. Hopefully it will work.

I wanted ham but it might have to wait until tomorrow. My legs are so heavy feeling right now. I just don’t want to get up unless I absolutely have to. There is a game tonight. I am going to listen to it and hope it doesn’t put me to sleep. Last night I fell asleep around 8pm and woke up around midnight. I don’t want to make the same mistake again. It is going to be tough as I really want to take a snooze right now.

any thoughts?

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