two weeks post op from Top surgery

Two weeks post op top surgery

Today I am two weeks post op from Top surgery. The nurse just came to change my dressing. Another nurse will be by tomorrow to do the same. I feel good, just tired. It is probably because I am not sleeping during the night. I woke up around midnight last night and didn’t go back to sleep till around 4. I just couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about my mother.

I went grocery shopping as I needed half and half. I bought some cauliflower as it was on sale. I had to satisfy my addiction to it. My niece has gotten so good at making it. It was gone on Sunday when she made it and she made two heads. I am making chicken breast tonight.

I just want to sleep. I don’t want to do a damn thing. I had four cups of coffee today. I am trying to avoid a nap. I don’t know why I am bothering as I lay down for a bit and then my brain starts thinking of shit so I can’t nap. I sent a message to my psychiatrist about my sleeping pattern. I don’t know if he can change it as the trazodone didn’t work for me. I don’t want to take a sleeping pill. I am too afraid of the side effects. I woke up before 9am today and have been going most of the day. I had coffee with my sister. We are trying to get a lawyer for the estate stuff. Just hope it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to do what needs to be done, whatever that is. I know I have to provide proof of my name change.

I am just so sad with all of this. I want to cry but the tears won’t come. I keep remembering the day my mother died and how she was sleeping and then just died. I kept staring at her, willing her to move but she was gone. There was nothing I could do. I just stared at her. My niece and sister were crying. My sister was trying to put the bed down. I didn’t think she would die this soon. I wanted her around for another birthday. I feel cheated because my sisters had her for their birthdays and I didn’t because she was in the hospital. I got her card a week later. I am saving it because it is the last birthday card I will ever get from her.

I sort of want another appointment with my therapist but not sure about timing due to the nurse coming tomorrow and then the wake Thurs. She doesn’t work Fridays. I think I will be ok. I am just feeling invisible and like a nothing right now. My niece washed the clothes I had planned to do today. She was up really early this morning. I am so tired. I got to go for bloodwork tomorrow. It’s to check my T level and blood counts. Once I have recovered from surgery, I plan on donating blood again. I also need to pick up my prescriptions. I am almost out of my antidepressant. I got to call in the morning to find out when it will be done. Sucks I have to do this otherwise it just stays in the “in process” queue.

any thoughts?

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