Self-care Monday
I woke up before my med alarm so I took my meds early. I then had a couple cups of coffee. I thought about what to do today. I was hot last night so I took my shirt off and have been shirtless all day. It feels so good. It is sunny out so I didn’t go outside. You can’t be in the sun for a year post op. I think I am going to go to Starbucks and read for a bit. I think it will be nice.
I showered and brushed my teeth. I also trimmed my beard so that it is down to a scruffy look. I might shave it, I am not sure yet. I also trimmed my mustache. I am going to try and diet. I am going to take the long way to the bus stop just to get some steps in. I am also going to drink Ensure more rather than eat a meal. I will only eat protein like chicken. I am hoping with the nicer weather I can force myself to at least walk around the block a few times each day to have increased movement. I would love to walk to the Square again (1.9 miles). That is a long walk for me. I haven’t walk a mile in a very long time. I don’t know if I can do it but I think if I try every day to walk a little further than the day before I will get there.
I am feeling better after I showered. It feels really weird not having boobs anymore. I have to get used to my new chest. I love it though, so much. It makes me really happy. I wish my mother could see this or I could at least tell her so she doesn’t give me a face about it. I know she would probably have a sarcastic comment about it.
I feel sad that my mother isn’t here to share my happiness about losing the things on my chest. I just hate the numbness and tightness. I know I should be wearing the binder but it is so irritating. I will put it on before I go out for a walk. I think I have some fluid in my right side again. I will find out tomorrow if this is true. I also seem to have a lump around the incision scar on the left side. I don’t know if that is fluid or just swelling. I will ask when I see the NP.
I don’t know if I mentioned it, but Friday I was able to contact a social worker at MGH and I will be starting in a bereavement group in June. I think it is short term so I don’t have to worry about it being longer than a few weeks. I see my therapist for the first time since Dec 2021 tomorrow. It will be good to see her. I want to talk about the sexual abuse my mother did to me. I think it will be important to address now that she is gone. I have been thinking about this. I never and probably never would be able to tell her how I felt when she took me to the surgeon at 13 years old because my boobs were not even. I often wonder if I came out as a boy then, what my mother would have done. I was so unhappy as a teen in addition to all the problems between my parents and sisters. It was rough during my teen years. I wish I could say more but I can’t right now.
midnightdemons7 