my tears ricochet

My tears ricochet

I wish I could fucking cry. I couldn’t get up to save my life today. I got up around 7. Took my meds. Was going to take my T shot. Decided to lay down and I fell back asleep until the afternoon. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to give myself a shot. I just wanted to lay down and stay in bed. I had one bad dream which luckily didn’t give me a migraine or headache. I have been feeling tired all day. I finally got up and took my shot. Then I got up and made coffee.

I had to do school work today. I have been working on the build a brain project all afternoon. Trying to be creative hasn’t been working in my favor. I am such a literal person. I wasn’t always like this. I used to have an imagination. I don’t know what happened to it. I think I am almost done with the writing what my creature does. Next is just naming what brain parts it has and then draw the brain somehow with all the parts labeled. I have to read chapter 3 to go over the action potentials. I remember reading it but I don’t remember the specifics about it.

I wanted to shave and shower. I said I would at 7pm. It’s now 7. Oh well. Maybe after I finish the blog I will. My tooth is still being an asshole. I made roasted zucchini. I ate the whole thing. It was so good. I should have some ice cream for the calories but I don’t feel like eating it. I really haven’t felt like eating. I don’t know if it is the depression or the Topamax that is decreasing my appetite. Yesterday all I had was hot dogs. Nothing else. I made sure I have been drinking fluids though.

If I don’t hear from the therapy place by Friday, I plan on calling Mon and asking where I am in the waitlist again. I need to know because these dreams are disrupting my sleep and I know I need to talk about them to make me feel better about them. I feel really down and sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be around anymore. This pain between the headaches and migraines and toothache has taken its toll on  me. I am close to my breaking point. The brain stuff has cause the CRPS stuff to resurface. I am dealing with constant nerve pain nearly every day in my foot or ankle. My head is starting to hurt again. Fucking fuck. I don’t know if I am going to be able to read that chapter tonight or shower. I just want to fucking sleep.