Run the risk of getting your perfect wrong
I had an appt with my DMH worker today and I overslept. I heard the phone ring but thought it was another caller as I was half asleep. I got up and tried a few times to get in touch with her. Eventually I did. We had a good talk. She encouraged me to walk more (not happening) to alleviate my depression. I told her I was suicidal but lied that I didn’t have a plan. I have been feeling depressed all day. Right now I have been thinking about my plan and executing it. I want to so bad but if I get into the hospital this semester will be toast. I feel like a weakling. Talking to my DMH worker about being suicidal wasn’t helpful. She talked about means control, things I know about. I keep my stuff locked up and the key separate. But both are in my room.
I managed to shave today. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I will the next time I go to the bathroom. I ate today. My niece made some bacon and I had some. I shared a little with Honey. She is out with her daddy right now so I can’t get cuddles. I am tired. I must have woken up like six times last night to pee and then I was able to get back to sleep. I had weird dreams each time. I messaged my pcp today because I am tired of the back spasms I have been getting and pain down my leg. They called me and I have an appt Thurs. The sucky part is it interferes with my webinar I wanted to see.
I have been listening to Luke Combs today because I needed to listen to one of his songs. My albuterol finally came today. I am tired. I got to do homework for history. It is short so it won’t take me long. It is cool today and cold in my room. I had to shut the ceiling fan off. I don’t know how my nephew has the AC on. I freeze when I go downstairs.
I have been having cramps in my calf and feet today. It’s driving me crazy. I don’t know why as I am taking magnesium for them. I am getting more and more depressed the more pain I feel. There just doesn’t seem anything I can do for it. It is so frustrating.
midnightdemons7 