Author: Midnight Demon

Dentist and other stuff

I slept later than I wanted to so I put my alarm back on for 1100. My bladder was close to bursting so I hurried to the bathroom. I then took my morning meds and checked Twitter. I needed coffee, strong coffee. I went downstairs and made coffee and oatmeal. I still had a couple of hours before my dentist appointment so I went back upstairs. I thought about going to the square to get my meds and then go to the appointment but I had to charge my phone. So I went to the dentist then to the square.

The cleaning went ok. I still had a few cavities and an old filling came out. The dentist was really booked so it won’t be till Oct that I can have my teeth filled. Fine with me. I had twenty minutes before the bus came. I listened to folklore.

While my phone was charging I decided to shave. I also brushed my teeth.

I am really tired. I was going to order food but it was late when I came home and I was hungry. I made a microwave dinner. I was sweating really bad. My shirt was soaking wet. My ankle is throbbing really bad. I stood for way too long. It is going to be a long night with pain. I’m already starting to feel suicidal because of it. I am trying not to go into that spiral.

Can’t sleep blog number 101

I woke up about an hour ago because I had a headache. Now I went to the bathroom because it has been at least four hours since I cathed and was having pressure. Very little urine came out. Even on my last cath before I fell asleep, little urine came out. Hope nothing is wrong other than I haven’t been drinking as much. Urine has been clear and light colored so I am not dehydrated. Just worries me because usually with that pressure I felt, I would have a close to full bladder.

I have to go into the square today to pick up my meds. They have been ready since Monday but there was no way I was leaving the house with the runs and not feeling good. As I cathed last night before bed, I noticed how I was cathing, the position my body was in. It might be some problems when I get the top surgery because I don’t think I can bring my arms forward like I do. I have to discuss this with the surgeon. I might have to void for a while until I heal a bit or at least until the drains and stitches are out.

All I had for dinner last night was a bowl of cereal. My mother was in the kitchen doing her puzzles. I was feeling pretty irritable because I wasn’t feeling good. My mother was annoying me. She must have burped at least 5 times and in between was moaning. Then she started sneezing. It was pretty warm in the kitchen because she closed the door as she was “cold”. She said she was sneezing because she felt a draft on her arms. Where the fuck the draft would come from I have no fricken idea. I hurriedly ate my cereal and left the kitchen. I had to get the fuck out of there before I said something I shouldn’t.

I get paid today. I fell behind in my bills. Now one of my credit cards “minimum” payments is like almost $600. I can’t afford that. I am going to have to call and see if we can work something out. I hate this time of the month because I always get stressed I am going to bounce my checking account like I have before. Last month was the first time in four months I was in the black. Hopefully I can do the same this month.

I got therapy tomorrow. I might cancel the appointment as there is nothing to talk about. I don’t feel like talking. She isn’t pressuring me to come in like she did before. I haven’t been as suicidal this week like I was last week. I think it is because I am not in so much pain like I was. I had some throbbing going on during the pain group but it seems to have settled down some. I still have the bladder pain which is driving me crazy. Technically it has been a year as the pain started when I had my hysterectomy last year. The gyn surgeon noticed my bladder was inflamed then. I never got a response from uro to the message about whether the new med he wants to try is for inflammation. Maybe I will get a response today.

I have an appointment to see the dentist today in the late afternoon. I hope I am able to keep it. I am going to have to leave at least a half hour early because it takes me forever to get up a hill. I thought about taking a cab but it is literally across the street from me so not really worth it. Hope the cavities I have are still the same and haven’t gotten worse. I was supposed to get an estimate on a partial for my baby teeth to be removed but haven’t heard back from either my insurance company nor the dentist. I will ask when I go today if the lady is there that handles it.

Sleep and stuff

I really didn’t do much yesterday as I was shitting and peeing all day. The shits finally stopped around 1330. I was weak and tired. I tried to keep up with fluids but it was hard. I didn’t want to get up to pee so I just drank enough to swallow my pills. I finally slept through the night. I woke up around 7 to pee and then I took my morning meds. I then put the do not disturb on and went back to sleep. I got up around 1030.

I needed coffee, strong coffee. I had the Columbian blend today. It was good to keep the cobwebs gone. I have the chronic pain group today. I will go to it. I hope it goes ok.

I made appointments for PT. I called the uro dept for an appointment with the PA and wasn’t able to see him until mid Sept. They had made an appointment with the doc for Oct. they called and canceled the appointment with the doc because it would be useless to see him. I still am not taking a medication for the bladder pain and inflammation. I messaged back the PA today to ask if the med he is thinking of is for inflammation and if it is to prescribe it for me. I just hope I don’t have to have a prior auth for it as it is a new medication.

I had texted my former therapist to apologize for the dramatic texts I sent her. She said I was the least dramatic person she knows. I then told her I am sorry for the suicidal texts I sent her. She said there was nothing to be sorry for as she wanted to know rather than to wonder. I really miss her but I never got things done with her. She was a good person to talk to but that was it.

I need to shave my head and face. I might take a shower. I only washed half my body the other day when I had code brown. I just want to make sure I got off all the crap off me. I still have diarrhea. I just went. Ugh. I don’t know what is wrong with my system. I sent a message to my doc because I am feeling weak and tired. Hope I don’t have covid. I have the rapid test. I am scared to take it.

I went to group. It was ok. My pcp got back to me. It was another RN at the clinic, a different one. She told me that diarrhea can last a couple days but if it last more than three to let them know and if I have a fever. I am wicked tired so I don’t think I will be shaving today. I just had a bowl of cereal and my mother was annoying the fuck out of me. She was either burping or moaning or both. Then she started sneezing. Fucking a. I ate fast to get back to my room.

Think I am going to take a nap and hopefully sleep. If not I will read my book.