Author: Midnight Demon

Rabbits Rabbits

It’s Dec 1^st and I cannot believe the year is almost over. No end in sight with the pandemic because of covidiots. And yesterday there was a school shooting somewhere and I just had to stay off Twitter. When I finally scrolled past the news and just looked at pics, I found the pet pics I needed to see. There was a cute all black kitten in one of the pics. So damn cute. It made me smile while the world is falling apart.

My shoulder is hurting this morning. I tried the new exercises I was given and it caused me pain. It didn’t hurt last night so I don’t know what I did wrong or maybe the height of the table was too high. I sent a message to my PT about it. I also checked my calendar on the web thing and my calendar and found there were at least 5 appointments I was missing. OOPS. I also don’t have a follow up with my psychiatrist so I sent him a message.

My burn is healing. I have it covered with antibiotic ointment. I have to keep it covered because I hate looking at it. It looks so sore but it isn’t. I am waiting for my pcp to get in touch with me about the UTI symptoms I am having and what to do about it. I have a feeling he is going to refer me back to uro and my uro is going to think I am crazy.

I wish I could access my calendar on my laptop but even though I am connected for text messages, I calendar option isn’t there. I have been thinking about switching to outlook for my calendar needs but that always requires going into the email app to access. I sent a message as feedback that this should be an option.

My pcp responded to my message and referred me back to uro. I placed a call and they never called me back. I haven’t taken the urinary pain medication today. I still have frequent urination and pain but it is less than it was over the weekend. Cathing is still a goddamn nightmare. I won’t have the urge until I am half way through emptying my bladder and then will get a strong urge that shoots urine all over the place. I feel like I am going crazy. I want to take Miralax because I haven’t moved my bowels all fucking week but I don’t want to drink stuff because then I will have to pee. I feel like I need to restrict my intake of fluids right now so I am not peeing all the damn time. I don’t know how much of this is nerve related or something else. I just know it is frustrating as hell.

I am feeling somewhat suicidal. Nothing imminent just passing thoughts of what if I do this or that. I have thought about texting my therapist but I already texted her once today. I haven’t brushed my teeth today or shaved my head. I really don’t feel like doing either. I will try and brush my teeth before bed or my last pee of the night. I only have myself to blame for getting cavities. I reluctantly took some Miralax so will have to pee soon again. I hate being constipated this much because I will just end up straining to get stool out and that isn’t good either.

I am ordering groceries and the two things I need are out of stock. I might have to go to the store and get them.

PT and therapy and a sore arm

I reluctantly went to therapy today. I had sent her a note saying I didn’t feel like coming. She was surprised I showed up anyway. We talked about my friend who is having a hard time and about coping skills. I said that I would send him a thing on DBT skills to see if that helps him. Then we talked briefly about how my sister misgendered me all weekend.

I went to PT and she dry needled my arm. It is so sore. My pec muscles were very tight and she massaged them. She also massaged my neck which felt good. I didn’t realize it was so tight. She gave me a couple of new exercises for my arm to do.

Turns out I don’t have a UTI like I thought. Why I have been going pee so much and it hurting  me is a mystery. I am on my third day of the urinary pain pills. I plan on taking them for another day and then try and stop them to see if things have settled down. I am not in a good mood about this. It is making me depressed. I don’t know what my pcp is going to do or if I am just going to be left to my own devices. I’ll find out tomorrow I guess.

Sunday Blog 28112021

Happy Hannukah to those that celebrate! Wishing you eight days of peace and happiness.

I am not having a good day. My sister called me an asshole today because I basically cath. The last few times I have voided have been a disaster cath wise as the urge to pee overwhelms the cathing and urine goes everywhere. I tried to clean it up but obviously missed a spot for Mrs. Clean. This UTI that I have is torture. I am peeing like every half hour and shitting with each piss so my ass is quite sore. I forgot to take the urinary pain pills this morning with my meds. I have peed myself twice today. I wish the pills would kick in already. It hurts so much to go. I am canceling my appointment with the dentist tomorrow if I am still like this. No way I can sit through getting my teeth drilled while trying to hold my pee. It just isn’t going to happen.

I slept till 3pm today. I don’t ever remember sleeping this late. I didn’t feel like going to the pharmacy to get my meds today. I wasn’t able to fill my med boxes with all the meds but I will do that tomorrow. Hopefully the pharmacy will have my BT in stock and will fill my prescription. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I plan on doing it before bed as I didn’t brush yesterday. I am really bad about brushing my teeth. Hence why I need to get my teeth filled.

I feel really depressed because of the pain I am in. I took a BT med for the urethral pain because it was so bad. I need to go into town tomorrow to get my urine tested. I am thinking of taking a Uber there so that I will be there faster than the T. It depends on how I feel and if I feel like I can hold it.

I just have therapy and PT on Tuesday. I can’t wait to talk to my therapist about my sister. It is really upsetting because she also has been misgendering me this whole week. I can’t wait till she gets back to work so I don’t have to deal with her.