Category: depression

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I finished the library book i borrowed and it was like 330 by the time I finished it. I had taken a trazodone, all the good it did me. I took a nap after I had some ramen about 430pm. I woke up to my med alarm.

I didn’t do anything I wanted to do today and I’ve been sneezing a lot. Hope I’m not getting sick. I’ve been taking Allegra twice a day and it’s been helping. I never got around to shaving today or brushing my teeth. I wanted to clear my bed so I could wash the sheets. My cousin is taking me to the grocery store tomorrow so not sure what I’ll have energy for.

I published my 2nd memoir on an eBook site. Doesn’t hurt to get it in different places. Self-promotion is so hard. I might post to the FTM trans site that I get emails from. I had some success there selling signed copies.

I’m kind of still tired. I had three cups of coffee today. My new migraine med was delivered this morning, much earlier than I was expecting. I finally had my second dose. It was still painful. Glad it is monthly.

PTSD and a migraine

I was up half the night because I kept getting intrusive thoughts. I had fallen asleep but woke up to a weird dream and then I was up. I was sneezing. I took flonase and an Allegra. Also took some Ativan. But nothing helped the uneasy feeling. I tried not to think but it was impossible. I somehow managed to get back to sleep but I woke up with a wicked migraine.

I never left the house today. My migraine med isn’t going to be ready until tomorrow supposedly. I feel so tired and perturbed. I keep thinking that life isn’t worth it. I keep thinking about my plan.

I didn’t do anything today. I made spicy ramen for supper. It’s the only thing I ate today. I am not very hungry. I am so tired though. I wanted to take a nap but I keep having bad thoughts about things. Makes it difficult to relax.

Drowning

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up for most of it. I don’t know why insomnia is back. Just when I thought my sleep was getting better. I feel so tired today. I wanted to go to the square to pick up my prescription but it’s out of stock even though I called the other day to make sure it was in stock and was told they had it. The other prescription I tried refilling and my insurance needs approval. WTF. I am so annoyed.

I had an appointment with the neuro NP. My headaches are getting better. I am having like 2 or 3 a week now instead of daily or every other day. I did wake up with a headache today but it didn’t amount to anything. I got to go for bloodwork tomorrow and then see a friend who is having chemo. I see neuro again in a few months. I tried to schedule the appointment today but the app wouldn’t let me.

I am so disappointed in my government. We are headed for a shut down, a bill was passed against trans kids in the military, and that fucking moron Musk needs to be deported before he does serious damage that we can’t recover from. He threatened the senate and house and they backed out of a plan for avoiding a government shutdown. I am so damn angry that this twit has this power. He blows shit up and doesn’t get reprimanded for it. His vehicles are a fire hazard and should be taken off the market. But I guess not enough people have died yet. And why not? A CEO gets murdered and the government cares more about him than the kids that were killed in Wisconsin. Priorities. And now they are after drones, like seriously? Country is headed for a shut down and your worried about drones?? I don’t fucking get it. I am so depressed and angry and anxious about all of this. I am worried I could be the next on the list with these people coming after trans people. I am glad I have a plan to opt out if they do.

I read today I think on Facebook that Jamie Lee Curtis is going to play Jessica Fletcher in the new Murder She Wrote movie. I wanted to call my mother and tell her. Stuff like this she would like. I love Curtis. I’ve had a crush on her since her Cagney and Lacy days. Sadly, while I was in my catatonic, psychotic days, there was this one Murder She Wrote episode that I swear my mother kept watching over and over again and it had meaning for me. I felt like the episode was trying to tell me something. I was so sick of hearing the same things over and over that my mother was watching in the living room and I was supposed to take a pill at like 7 but at 630 I bolted for my room because I couldn’t stand being around my mother and watching this episode again. It still freaks me out every time I see Murder She Wrote or Angela Lansbury. I am glad I am no longer that way.